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Exceptional beauty
Scribbled down on Tuesday, 16 August 2005 18:50:29 PM |
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K. is a friend of mine I met in 2004 when I was constructing a home on the web, a personal site, a sort of project to bring myself happiness. It consisted of many cute, tiny details and letters, in hope it would bring me comfort, peace, acceptance, serenity. Many faces popped up to lay a bit of joy in the doorway, so I could see it in the morning when I'd be awake. That's something I shan't forget. Neither that I met K. She's from abroad, close to where my past love lives. She's now residing in that country what will always recall her name and her face in my mind. Soon after the whole building colapsed and the stones were raining down on me, demanding bruises, I stepped back. I crawled back in my shell like a turtle would when a stranger was approaching. My spirit crushed and when I'd tried to act as a whole being, I'd find out I had a missing tooth. A part of my heart was missing or a side of my brain changed function. K. would not longer be only 2 seconds away from me, what the Internet offered us. The quick possibility of connection whilst we were worlds separated. Untill today, a difference came. K. had told me she had a best friend. She would always praise her in the nicest ways. In such ways you'd feel: could I be seen through such glasses. Only.., as life begins with a seed, breaks open to give space to a blossoming flower, she soon will wither. Life changes. From one day to another, nothing is the same. The way she described her, she was being painted as someone who came as close as the person I was. She was a talented girl, she is and communicative. Only now she was seeking the dark shades of the trees. Or the trunks which K. defined as hiding. She showed sides I showed being depressed. Since we both had journals, we had added each other in the past. She also introduced me to her. I can still remember her post on my Tori comparison entry. I thought Tori looked like several artists, just the vividness of her eyes and the sharp glance. I visited her diary back but her entry was old. Untill today. I know they are no longer friends, still I have her added. Out of respect for K. I was going to remove her untill I saw her newest posts. She sounds so incredibly soft and pure. She is very descriptive, poetic and intelligent. Someone who sees value and meaning in anything. It's understandible why K. was so fascinated with her by even quoting her in the mails she would send to me. She's nothing like anyone I have met, still people are special in their own way. So is she. I think anyone would feel theirself transform while sinking in the dimension she draws with her nicely, carefully picked words. Her voice is not screaming but soft and gentle. Her approach careful but caring. Her expression beautiful and deep. As anyone else she had weaknesses but you could hardly resist the attraction her being had on you. It shows she's a nice person. I'm not saying it randomly, I possessed a picture of her K. personally sent me. She may not be friends with K. anymore, she did allow me as her friend to read her locked journal and I did. What kept me from writing to her was that I was shivering at the thought I could bring cracks in her life, as much as she expressed how much she loves learning about new people. We all have effect and influence on each other, how short or long your entrance and departure in and out of each other's life takes. Though we have never really spoken to each other, I saw we had similiar interests. She is just a few days older than me and also bi. I can't bring myself up to talk to her as her beauty was already shining through and adored by countless of people. I'd be just a name and an unknown face. She was popular. The few moments I spent on her livejournal, I felt a strange sensation. I felt pretty, how strange it may sound. I felt attraction as I am easily touched. I'm easily to be seduced or fallen, trapped in your web. And I only went there with the purpose to find out what she may be thinking of K. She was admirable and I once again was admiring something I could never come close to. However, she has softened and inspired me. She really has. Off-topic: I am a walking contradiction that spreads chaos in every word I speak Wow, this guy surely knows me. |