I should make decisions. I need to decide what I want to study. I laready have the universities sorted out but then there are the polytechnics. I guess they might be the same as college in the U.S. I'd like to apply for computer science but I'm terrible at math (and the entrance exam is basically math). There just aren't any other majors that'd interest me even vaguely.
The catch is that I need to get to study something this year. If I go for something I don't even have a chance for, I'll fail again and in the worst case I won't get anywhere. It'd probably be easier to get to study something like health care but even the thought of it makes me shudder. I don't want to do that.

The problem is that I can't decide whether I desperately want to get to study something, whatever it is, or if I want to do something that I like. Or actually, I already know but it makes me feel guilty because I might have to sit home another year (which I wouldn't want to do anyway, but which I'd rather do than study health care). Although I wouldn't sit home another year but I'd have to get a job or study something else.

What is a considerable option is to go to open university (where you can get without entrance exams) and study more math so that I'd get to university of technology the following year (if I do good enough I won't have to participate in entr. exams). I meant to do that this year already but I missed the deadline of applying. That'd mean I'd have to stay here though, because although the studying doesn't in itself cost anything I wouldn't get any financial aid (except for maybe loans and I passionately hate the thought of that). Although I might not get there either.

The options all suck, actually. I don't want to study anything even if I know I have to.
Duh, I think I'll apply for comp. science. If I'm lucky I'll pass the exams. If I'm not, I won't and then I'll have to start all over again.

You know, I honestly don't believe I'll pass the uni exams. Only 13% of the applicants pass the exams. So it'd be rather unlikely that I'd pass.
I'm only scared that I won't pass the polytechnics exams either. Life sucks, that way.