When I saw my sister last weekend she said something along these lines "that'll probably happen when i'll have kids". It struck something in me. I don't want kids. I don't want to want kids either (and there's a difference, you know). I never thought she did.
What was upsetting, to me, was that the first thought that entered my head after hearing what she said was "I didn't know she was that selfish". She isn't selfish. She's a dear person and although we don't get along, that has more to do with me than her. But what was so upsetting was how quick I was to judge. I knew someone once who was very quick to judge and very harsh with her judgement. It used to upset me, how she could spit those words out of her mouth. I thought it was impolite, upsetting, hurtful. I always thought she should've been more tactful. And here I am, judging.
I've read a lot of opinions on having children lately. basically, they've been what I think, that there's something wrong with having kids. Mostly people have said it would be unfair to the kids. My sister must be the first person I've talked to for years (you must remeber I don't talk much) who actually has had something positive to say about kids.
I got frightened when I thought she might have some. I was frightened for the kids who don't exist, whom I don't know... I think there's something wrong with me.

I can't imagine ever having kids of my own. I'd pass bad genes to them. I mean, I actually carry inherited stuff in my dna. I'd pass it along if I had kids. Also, I don't think I'd make a good mother. I can't ever imagine working and having to take care of the kids at the same time. (Actually, I can't imagine being able to work, but that's another thing entirely.) I can't imagine being able to raise them properly.
I've already had a mother who has mental problems (albeit not illnessess) and a father who isn't actually alright in the head either so I know it's not that easy to be a kid when the folks aren't fine. I don't want to make any kid go through that.
Also, I don't think this world is a good enough place to force people to live here. The kids can't decide to be born, they're forced here without anyone letting them know how disgusting a place this is. It's not fair. Nope, I'm not fit to be a mother. Really. Just think of what I just said.

The world is a bad place, to me. I don't know about others. Perhaps my sister feels positive enough of it to consider having kids. I don't know. I don't even know her.

yesterday.