You have to realize that I'm angry at you. There are various
reasons for that, the most important ones being that you seem to
ignore common courtesy when it comes to me and that I still hold
old grudges against you.
I've wondered for a few days if I should compose a decent, polite
answer instead of this. I've decided against it, partly because I'm
tired of doing that and partly becauseI'm fairly certain I could
not make myself do that. I'm tired of pretending I give a fuck
about your feelings, because I don't. Everything that has stopped
me from telling this earlier is that I'm tired of being bitched
at about things that people understand wrong. I'm fucking
exhausted of explaining over and over again the whys and
wherefors. I'm tired of being misunderstood by people who don't
even try to understand and I'm tired of being judged by the same
people, who believe for some reason that they are in the position
to do so. I'm talking about you, of course.
I'm tired of pretending I care a shit about how you feel because in the end of it all I only care about myself. And the only reason I bother to pretend is because I like to protect myself. Right now I'm tired of protecting myself. So I honestly am not sorry for everything I've been apologising for over the years and I'm not sorry for this either. I'm afraid because everything you people do is try to hurt others instead of bothering to think for a while. And even if you tried, I doubt you'd ever understand because you simply aren't bright enough and you don't care either, you're just pretending you do. You're pretending because you're a chicken, just like I am. And perhaps I'll make you angry and perhaps I did make you angry. But what really made me hate you is that you never, not for one second, bothered to think whether you had a reason for it, whether you had the right to do so or not.
So don't whine if I don't care
because you're just as much to blame as I am. I can imagine you,
your ignorant mind, the hurt and the hatred in your heart,
thinking I suck, that I'm the one to blame. I know because you
once said it yourself.
Because, oh no!, no, you're never a part of anything, you never
contirbute to anything. You've never done anything wrong. Never!
You will wallow in self-pity. You always do. You think there's
glory in that, you think that it'll let you out of the hook. And you'll
never even try.You've never tried.
I know you that well. You're just like all the people you judge
so harshly. Shallow and ignorant.
You're more arrogant than I've ever been. So you have no right to say I am arrogant. You have no right to think I have hurt you. Because all you've done, you're done it to yourself. Those things are your mistakes. Don't come blaming me something I never said or did (but you thought I said or did). It's up to you, it has always been and I don't give a fiuck anymore.
You can go and kill yourself, for all I care. God knows I've hoped you had succeeded in your first pitiful attempt. I even offered you advice., for fuck's sake. If you dug your own eyes out, don't blame others for making you blind. Don't fucking dare!
- - -
And this is how angry I am.
I'm not empty yet, but I promise, I will be.
I refuse to recognice your opinions from now on.