I'll call you E. Because then it reads 'blame' on the index of letters. I want it that way. I hope you don't mind.
I don't know who you are.
Not really.
I don't know how you feel. I don't know how you think. I'm not
even sure why I'm writing this. There's no reason for that. No
real reason. But reality is relative, of course. I like
emphasizing that. It releases me from responsibilty. Everything's
relative. Everything means nothing. I can say things without
really saying anything. But it's easier to say that than to put 'IMO'
in all the sentences.
I dreamt of you. It was the fourth or fifth time in the period of two weeks or so. I don' t know why. You haven't been around for ages. I can't remember what you did in the last dream. You just were present.
I have a problem. I dream of things and later some of them happen. The dreams that happen are the same way in some sense, I'm always present. And I mean by that that it's like I was watching a tv program. I watch it and usually wonder what the hell is going on. Because the dreams don't make much sense when I see them. The things haven't happened yet.
I'm not sure what dreaming of you means. I don't know if the dreams are going to happen. I never do. But I consider dreams to be powerful and important. I can remember some I saw years ago. I'm irrational, that way. I can't really not believe in them because they have happened. I just... can't accept it, really. It's too irrational. It's against my beliefs of what can and cannot happen. And I always feel like I'm one of those fortune-tellers and other weird people whom I don't really appreciate having around. But I can't tell myself the dreams aren't real because they are.
Well, enough of that. It
wasn't really what I wanted to talk to you about.
No, actually. I don't know what I wanted to talk about. I just
want to talk to you, it seems. And that's irrational as well. And
stupid, I think. And just plain odd. I don't understand
this want.
There's the possibility of a crush but I don't think that's
likely. Then there's the possibility that something else caused a
crush like state of mind that I can't get rid of. And the
possibility I just need someone to dream of because I'm a
fuckhead. I mean, perhaps it has nothing to do with you, what you
are, but this has everything to do with me. Perhaps I'm obsessive-compulsive
about you. I don't really know. That's always a
possibility I can't count out. Because I am compulsive when it
comes to certain things (usually not people tho).
Uh, I don't know.
I should be doing proper stuff instead of writing this.
I just can't stop dreaming about you. I mean, I never dreamt of the ex. And it took me months to see my first dream of B who was more present and more important (then) than what you are (now). I just don't get it.
Please, tell me. Something, anything. I'm lost.