11.3.2000
I saw a disturbing dream last night. It was pretty weird but more importantly it was the first dream that I remember seeing in ages.
- - -
I was sitting in a
Swedish lesson and the teacher was explaining the plot of the
play we were supposed to perform at some point when suddenly a
handful of people appeared around my desk and started asking if I'd
come to a LARP (live-action role play, in case you don't know)
with them. I didn't know any of them and was hesitant until I saw
someone who reminded me of my ex-so. For some reason the Swedish
teacher didn't seem to mind this at all :) I decided to go with
them because the lesson was rather boring.
The LARP was supposed to be on the other side of the airport and
on our way there one of the bunch explained to me that first we'd
have to go say goodbye to Chris and his partner of crime,
Juli. I didn't mind so we entered their cottage that lied right
beside a huge castly where the LARP was supposed to take place.
Lots of people were already there and they were wishing Juli and
Chris happy trip and giving them go-away presents. I only could
see Chris but seeing her made me startle a bit because she looked
a lot like me (unlike the painting) although her face was greyish
white and she looked very ill.
Eventually we left and on our way to the castle the people
explained that we'd have to stop larping in time in order to
burry Chris and Juli. It didn't surprise me, I had already gotten
the idea that something like that was going to happen.
As soon as we entered the castle the air changed, everything was
somehow sleep-like. It was foggy in there and the shapes were
unclear. I was supposed to protect one of the girls who had come
to get me from the Swedish class. Her name was Vilje, for some reason. Apparently some
evil force was trying to kill her, or something. What was weird
was that everything happened for real. The spells worked and the
people died. It wasn't playing anymore, it was real life.
At some point the castle started to disintegrate. Someone showed
us a hidden slide that led through the castle and I escaped
through it with Vilje.
I ended up on the
hallway to a church that had previously been the castle. Every
hint of the LARP had disappeared and I couldn't even see anyone
who had participated in it. There were other people waiting on
the stairs and I started talking to them. I explained that this
had been my first LARP in two years (would be true, btw) and one
of them started asking me what was the last one I had been in.
She listed at least twenty names at which point I realized that
all of their LARPs were like the one I had just been to, where
everything happened for real. I felt really embarrassed and just
muttered that I honestly couldn't remember.
The girl who had been talking to me said she'd go check Chris and
Juli out. When she was gone someone dropped two coffins on the
nearby driveway and already knew they were gone.
The girl came back and I realized she looked just like one girl I
saw about five months ago in front of the railway station in
Helsinki (I have a weird memory, stop looking at me like that)
except that she had brown curly hair instead of black curly hair.
She was tiny. I asked her questions about their death. Apparently
they had gotten really drunk and then slashed each others'
throats.
She asked me to enter the church and in we went. The bodies were already there, covered with sheets and beside them were two graves. She said we'd burry them there and clean the appartment where they had died so that everyone would think they had disappeared. She said they had wanted it that way. The coffins were there to bluff the police (the logic of this escapes me completely).
The church was already crowded and I felt happy that so many people had been willing to help Chris and Juli do what they wanted to do. I was also absolutely sure that none of them would tell the police what we had done.
There were candles
everywhere and we all kept singing for them before the burial.
Eventually the crowd started to leave and I got the impression it
was very late already. There was only a handful of people left
but we all had the same candles as before and we still sang.
I started to get a bit bored at this point and started walking
around. There was one girl who told me she was Equin0x (this escapes me as well). We
talked about stuff and she showed me this huge scar on her leg.
It was from her knee to her ankle, pearl white and wide. It
looked almost like someone had put a pearl necklace under her
skin. It was utterly beautiful (and that's why I think I'll paint
it next).
I felt inadequate because my scars weren't as beautiful as hers :)
After I had stopped talking
to her I realized that the bodies had been burried already
and the church was silent and empty. Even the girl I had been
talking to had disappeared.
Suddenly I realized there were windows in the church. There hadn't been windows before.
They let in cool and gray daylight. I could see trees outside. Trees and sunshine and a silvery narrow river.
I ran and I ran and I ran, out of the church, until the river that was clear and cool and calling for me. It had been waiting for me, it said, when I dived in.
Then I woke up.