2.5.2000
I'm bored. I've been bored most of the day. Not bored bored, but lazy bored. There's a difference, believe me. Anyway, it might be a good idea to skip this. If I'm feeling I'm boring, I don't even want to think what anyone else thinks.
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For some reason it's always the
same when I go shopping for food. I get my stuff, wait patiently
till it's my turn to pay for it and then I remember something I
forgot I need to buy. Usually I don't give a shit about it and
decide to get it next time, but today it was a question of
handkerchiefs, and like we all know, handkerchiefs are, indeed, a
matter of life and death. So I left the line, run back to get my
handkerchiefs and exited through another check-out.
Usually this would make me embarrassed but now I'm just amused. I
don't know what got to me, but I thought it was absolutely
necessary to get the hankies. So...
On other news, I was trying to
find myself a grammar of Finnish. I couldn't find any. It's
unbelievable. There was nothing like I was looking for. I ended
up browsing through some Finnish for Foreigners -books. They were
quite amusing and looked more useful than most of the grammars of
Finnish I've ever come across. I found out a lot of things I wasn't
aware of.
You just aren't aware of some things about your native language.
I could easily explain French verb forms but I have no idea what
kind of verbs there are in Finnish. And what I'm actually looking
for, is probably some kind of grammar for foreigners because they
don't seem to make accurate enough grammars for native speakers.
It's really annoying because I don't want books that are meant to
people who are just learning to speak Finnish, there's too much
unimportant stuff in them (like vocabulary, which I definetely
don't need). I just wish I could find one good grammar because I
need it. It's also something I've wanted to get for years. I've
just been lazy, gotten distracted and forgotten the whole thing,
and now I've been re-reminded. I should probably also study
English grammar but I haven't done that in years because I've
simply hated studying English grammar for various reasons, and I
don't exactly feel like doing that now either. It's one of those
things I should do and probably need to do, but I'm too apathetic
to do.
Blah.
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There are certain annoying things
about internet. For instance, there's no picture. I could put a
pic of myself here but it wouldn't tell anything about me. Not
really, imho. Perhaps what kind of nose I have but very little
about anything else. The internet is full of text that only shows
one side. What I write here is never what I am. Which I don't
like, really. I might write anything about my life and you'd get
a picture of me if you read it long enough. But it'd be like a
photograph. There's no movement, no life.
I mean, sure, what I write here is revealing. It deals with stuff
I deal with. But sometimes it just feels like that isn't enough.
Because I'm not real. Because no one's real. I can't touch people
I might know from their writing. I don't know what they look like
when they are angry. And however well I knew them, it still is
unsatisfying, partly. For the most part I'm quite happy this is
so, that I never have to know anyone. It's safer. It's nicer,
most of the time. It gives me an opportunity to talk to people
about things I otherwise never would. It gives me many things.
But you know, once you get to know someone really well, it's just...
annoying to have to log on every time you want to talk to them.
Internet is limited. And that can be frustrating, sometimes.
Of course this isn't really important because I hardly ever talk to anyone on-line.
Now I need to decide whether I skip a chapter of 'Invitation to linguistics' or not. It's pretty useless in the exams but it's interesting. However, I'm kinda running out of time. The first exam will be on 30th. I haven't even finished the excercises of syntax. Because I have no idea how to do them. That exam is going to rock...
Btw, it gets light around 3 a.m. If that's not annoying, then what is? I can deal with insomnia when it's dark but I hate it when I haven't even been trying to sleep for very long and the sun starts getting up. It really doesn't help the process of falling asleep.
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So, um. I miss B.
(Dammit. I feel like an idiot.)