7.4.2000
Two things: I didn't know
that they made a movie fo Brandon Teena's life and my mother
needed to borrow my calculator yesterday when I wasn't home.
About the latest first. I went to the movies. I usually don't go
to the movies. My mother doesn't usually need my calculator. The
calculator lies in one of my desk's drawers. My mother doesn't
know in which one. On the oppostire side of the desk are my
razors. There's also bandages and some anti-septic stuff I use to
make sure the wounds don't get infected (which they still do,
occasionally). You can guess the rest.
No, she didn't say anything.
My razors are in disorder. There was no need to say anything.
She'll probably come to talk to me when she's thought this
through. Or not. I hope she won't. There's nothing to talk about.
About the Brandon Teena thing. I first found out about him when I was doing some research on transsexuals and transvestites and other that kind of things a few years back (I was interested in educating myself on that subject, it turned out to be very useful later in life). I never knew they had made a movie of him. I don't know why I didn't know, but movie industry isn't a very important area in my field of interests. I follow music more carefully, even fashion. I've been very easily upset for the past days, for different reasons, but the thought of the movie made me feel terrible. There's no way I'm ever going to see it, even if it wan an oscar(s?), because I don't fancy going to a movie theatre to cry my eyes out. I can do it at home, if I want to.
I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think of the incident. When I think of this kind of bad things that happen in this world. There's no need for them, everyone should be entitled to live the way they want to without having to face discrimination and violency and god knows what on a daily basis. The 'live and let live' -thing.
B told me to keep the bad things out. I just want to kick and scream and smack all those people whose main goal in life seems to be making everyone else unhappy. It hurts. It's unfair. It's terrible. No one had any right to rape and kill Brandon Teena. No one has any right to engage in gay-bashing and discrimination. No one has any right say that there's one right way of living and that other ways are wrong.
I think I'll finally join my first webring. I've been thinking of doing it for a while because I think that ring is important. I know a lot of people who are a part of it. My site sucks, of course, but it doesn't matter, I hope.
I'm tired of not being able to do anything. I want to do something but I don't know where to start. I want to change something because this world is far from perfect. I just don't know where and when and how.
- - -
I missed the aurora borealis last night. Dammit.