22.4.2000
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, that wasn't enough. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was enough. For now.
I think I'm supposed to compose a decent answer to her e-mails
but I'm pretty fucking sure I can't. And I'm even more certain
that I don't want to. I just feel like telling her what I think,
instead of trying to be polite and whatever. It's just so fucking
hard to say what i think because I know she'd be upset by it. I
should probably talk it throught it with her but there's no point
in that. I'm just so fucking annoyed at her. Who's she thinking
she is?!? Well?
Why the fuck does she think I'm willing to have all that crap
thrown on me? Why the fuck do I listen to her? I don't want to
have anything to do with her and I'm so fucking pissed off at her.
I just hope she'd stop e-mailing me.
Perhaps I'm unfair. At least I am hypocrite.
I'm so tired of this shit, I wish I had someone I could properly
talk to, someone who'd understand. I'm tired of explaining and I'm
tired of all her shit and I don't want to have anything to do
with her. But I can't tell her that, can I? And if I refused to
have anything to do with her, I'd have nothing and no one to
bitch about. Although that's not the issue. It does contibute to
this a bit, though. And however annoyed at her I am, I just don't
want to be rude and disgusting and I don't want to shout at her
because she's so fucking sensitive and can't take anything
without thinking it's the end of the world. Although maybe she
can… and I'm just not willing to admit it.
I don't know.
I don't know what to do about this.
I know what I'd want to do but I don't know if it's right. I'm
always so concerned about what is right and wrong. It's amusing,
almost. It's stupid.
But I never said I was that bright or mature. I think I'll send
her the answer as I first wrote it. Because it's what I feel like
and I'm so fucking tired of pretending. And there's no use in
pretending.
I have to go buy something now, before the shops close.
*tired*