2000-10-05

I should've died.

I should've died when she threw me against the wall. My baby-neck should've snapped and broken apart. I should've died when falling from a tree, the branch should've broken under my weight, not under his.

In the end, it was meant to happen. By escaping death, I escaped my fate. I should have died.

He knew where the gun was, but he never fired it. He knew he could easily slit my throat but she stopped him. (Why? Why did she think she had the right to interfere with things that were meant to happen?) He knew that he should stand on the gas pedal, forever and forever and forever, until we reached the concrete wall.
Which evil god was it, who decided that cowardice is a feature of my father's, and that he was to be incapable of succeeding in what was his mission? If that evil god imposed nervous breakdowns, drinking, depression and physical violence (as well as other kind) on us, why didn't s/he make sure that the ending would come as intended?

And why would that evil god make it so, that cowardice, when faced with what we must do, is inherited to the second generation?

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aion

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