2001-08-10 I can't, right now. I just can't. Sometimes I wish I was dead or that I could cut and that time is now. Somehow I want to get away from all this. I can't breathe, not properly, there's a lump in my throat and it's slowly strangling me. It's hellish, of course. It's wrong, of course. I shouldn't read what I read. I should stay away from upsetting things. But somehow I can never stop myself. I can never do the right thing, shut it out. God how I miss you sometimes. How on earth did you learn to keep the good things in and push the bad ones out? Because I never learnt that. Because I never could, and I'm always sorry because of it. It had to be easier for you, it had to be, somehow. You had to be so different from me. If you are, why haven't you written to me? Eq said he told you to. Maybe you didn't have the address left, yeah. Maybe. How on earth did you make it? Because you had to? I know you had to. Why can't I do it even if I need to do it too? Why am I so different, so weak? I miss you horribly sometimes. And yet, I won't write to you. Just because you haven't written to me. Just because I can't. |
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