2001-08-07 A wants me to go to GB to meet my penpal (that is, Eq), I'm not sure why. All I know is that she's been reading my old journals, and although I'm quite sure they include merely uninteresting, very innocent whining, I can't be certain. She even said she could pay my trip. So it's just a question of when. Well, it's a question of 'if' too, because I'm not all that sure that I want to go. Why I don't want to go? Because I'm not sure it'd be a good idea for us to meet. Because I'm afraid of being myself, ie. being overly sensitive and unnecessarily hurt and crying a lot because I'm so nervous. And because the thought of meeting people offline makes me generally nervous. Look, okay, I'm just rambling on some uninteresting crap, but no one forces you to read it. God knows why I bother writing it. (Suddenly I'm angry at myself.) I think that all the diaries (except ohj) I've bookmarked are dead. It shouldn't be surprising. Well, it isn't. I'm drawn to diaries that are never updated. It makes them feel a bit better, because they don't write an entry every day complaining about their daily routines and unimportant things. I'd rather have uninteresting things written seldom than uninteresting stuff written daily. I mean, I just can't be bothered with people who write about buying cat food or something. Oh, I know, I'm being an elitist right now, and most of the stuff I read isn't horrible anyway, but sometimes things like these get on me. Perhaps it's PMS. I don't know. I suppose... Oh, I'm sick of writing and if I don't add this now, I'm going to delete all of this like I did to all of my three past entries-to-be. |
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