2000-10-21 I've been here for thirteen hours and I'm already bored out of my mind. It's 1 pm (okay, so I got here late) and my parents are more annoying than ever. I wish I could go away already. Being back here makes me feel oppressed, and I keep feeling like I was suffocating here. Did I tell you that I really don't like this house? I didn't even realize it properly before I moved out. I spent the first night away from here pretty much crying because I felt so relieved. It was like a huge weight off my shoulders. I never thought I'd be back here. I never wanted to be back here. (I figured I'd be dead by now anyway, but I'm pathetic when it comes to things like that.) They dragged me to town this morning, and when I walked there I realized that I hardly know a person in a town I've lived in for twelve years. There's one I probably could contact, but I don't have much to say so I choose to ignore it. I actually like her but I find social interaction stressful so I send/receive sporadic emails from her every three months. But she's the only person I could actually say hi to if I met her. Oh, there's Roosa too. But I haven't seen her since... April, probably. Zero contact. Whatever. I can't help thinking that I'm an expert when it comes to alienating people. Hell, I even alienate myself. I'm supposed to write a five page essay on "Novels reflect reality. Discuss." but I'm not doing it, am I? It's due the 30th day and I'm fucked because I haven't even started, and despite of thinking of it for a week or so, I haven't come up with a single proper argument or proof one way or other. I'm notoriously slow when it comes to writing essays. I left my chocolates home. It was a horrible, horrible mistake. | older aion spindrift e-mail my profile diaryland.com