Yesterday was terrible. At first I couldn't sleep, then I couldn't wake up. The whole day was spent in a sleep-like state.

The snow muted my thoughts, I couldn't hear anything. The sky, the clouds, the air, everything was white, everywhere. The snowflakes attacked my window and I thought they'd break in.
I couldn't break free from that dream. I thought they'd come for me, screaming my name, waking me up to face the horrors that I couldn't imagine.

It was so quiet, so white, everywhere.

I made a mental note to stop dreaming but the cage inside my head was inbreakable.
I couldn't feel the chains but that didn't fool me. I knew I wouldn't get out alive, I knew hope was just a fallacy.
I wanted to tattoo my tears so that everybody could see them. I wanted to draw lines on paper and present them as art, like they meant something.

The snoflakes made everything mute, I couldn't hear my thoughts.
I thought I hear someone's voice calling for me but I couldn't hear it again. I couldn't label it, I couldn't recognice it. I thought it couldn't mean anything, I thought it couldn't be real.

The sky was full of air but I couldn't feel it. I wasn't there, I wasn't anywhere. There was nothing but a shell.

I wanted to tattoo that shell so that I would recognice it as mine, later on. I wanted to know I couldn't just drift away, out of my reach.
I thought of a shoe I saw once, on a beach in Italy. I can still remember the way the sea smelled, how the wind blew.
It lied there, on the beach, waiting, dripping with water and rolled in sand. I could have touched it, I could have picked it up. I could have changed something.
There was nothing there, under the shadow of the sun, nothing but you.

I thought you'd wait for me.