There's something about radio at night. You can listen to all these channels you never hear at daytime. And there's this sad old music. I tend to call it 80's music despite of the actual year it dates from. It's sad and it always makes me think of the 80's. I don't know why. I didn't like the 80's that much. Perhaps more than the 90's though.
Whatever.
I'm a night person. I love to be awake when others are sleeping and at summertime it's even better. When it's light all year around I'm never afraid of anything and I always want to be outside at nights. The light is wonderful.

I'm afraid of the dark, you know. I'm afraid of the shadows and how I can't see properly. My ex-so liked darkness because it hid you better. It felt safer, apparently. I've always been good at hiding from people. That's because wherever I am hiding I always believe they'll find me anyway. No hidingplace is safe enough for me. I'm more like those animals that need space around themselves. I need space to see the enemy in time and escape before s/he gets after me. When I'm hiding the enemy can't see me but neither can I see the enemy. I can't know when I should be already running instead of still thinking I'm safe. Somehow I always believe the one looking for me is more powerful, that s/he somehow knows and sees more than I do. I never feel safe unless there's a few miles of open space around me, no people and it's the middle of the day.
I'm one of those people who sleep the lights on.

I shouldn't talk about these things. It makes me feel crazy (but I am crazy so no harm done, right?). If I just could believe that the real dangers are what I should be afraid of. Muggers and rapists and god knows what else.
I feel hunted, all the time. No one's after me.

I wish I could write like some people. I wish I could do what other people do. I wish I could be 'normal' and just forget all of my weird fears.
I wish I didn't repeat myself all the time.

The day before yesterday.