2001-07-31 I have nothing to say today. It's strange and exhausting. I keep wanting to comment on something. I keep wanting something. I can't have it. Whatever it is. This is pessimism. Oh jesus lord. I watched this weird movie yesterday with all these things about bibble and I realised I know nothing about bibble. I'm not a christian. I'm nothing. I believe in nothing. When someone asked me years back what I believed in, all I could say was something like "myself". Oh jesus how I miss that guy sometimes. Write to me, dammit. Lost dreams. Lost hope. And if he wrote, I'd probably find myself with nothing to say. I can't explain everything that's happened since he left. I can't explain anything because I don't want to. I just want to sleep. Yeah, sleep. Right now, preferably. I don't know... sometimes I feel so... vain. So useless. So... like nothing at all. Has anyone seen The talented Mr. Ripley (or whatever fuck it was called)? Everything's better than being no one. God, how I hated that movie. *sigh* I wish I could write poetry. It'd make everything better. Beautiful words make everything better, at least for me. I wish I had something to write about. I wish I could do rhymes. I wish... everything. And everything's nothing. I want to die today. And yet I don't. Oh god, I think I'm getting psychotic again. Just read what I wrote. Is it healthy? Well, yeah, it's not like I care. I just have this huge, horrible feeling inside me and I want it out. And I want everything I can't have. So I merely type because it keeps my mind off all bad things. Allright. I'll try to write a proper entry later on. | older aion spindrift e-mail my profile diaryland.com