3.7.2000

call me?

please.

So, yeah.
Isn't this everything I could've hoped for?

I'm too scared to. And anyway, what would it help?

But I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. I don't want to want anything, to need anything. I don't want to exist in this reality. I just don't.

But what would I say? What? Why on earth it's always me who needs to do everything? I don't want to call to him but I might want to talk to him. I'm scared shitless, can't you see?

I scare myself. I want bliss and ignorance. I don't want to talk to you. You're too real. It might help. And I shouldn't be helped. I'm... not worth it.

Go away. Please. Don't go.

I'm going to rip myself to pieces.

When I got his number, I thought of calling him. I called A. instead. I needed to talk. So I did. About him.
A. asked if she was an "auxiliary-him". I said yes.
She said she understood.

Back again.