11.4.2000

I'm gaining weight again. And I'm forgetting to study French again. I should probably ditch the whole idea of getting to study French if I don't get my act back together soon. Although it never was together.
Should study, should study, should study. Instead I just ate three sandwiches and although they were small ones I feel relatively guilty. I also have no energy to sort the webrings out although I know I probably need to do it today.
I need to study, yeah.

There was one consequence of the trip to the woods the other day. I managed to catch a cold. So now I have flu but no fever. Which sucks, really.

Did I tell you what I bought on Saturday? 750 grams of chocolate :) *happy* (umh, about that gaining weight- thing…)
I run out of socks today. I mean, I really have no pair of clean socks. So I'm just wandering around without socks and I just put the waching machine on. Am I lazy or am I lazy?

I used to have a math teacher who asked questions like that, is the answer 2,45 or 2,45? I guess he got really bored with us. He also figured that if we hadn't chosen the math -line we couldn't be interested in math at all. So he was fed up with us even before he started. And of course I sucked at math. Math requires logical thinking, I don't do that (especially not when depressed). There's two choices when it comes to math in high school. Either you have it a lot or not. The math -line has eleven courses of it (roughly 440 hours in two and a half years, ie. a lot. Ugh), the other has six or seven courses. I had no intention to spend three years dedicated to math when I went to high school so I skipped it (even if I was fairly good at math, it just wasn't what I wanted to do). Which was quite an unfortunate choice, maybe. I don't know. I'd be much better off now had I taken that many courses in math. But duh, it doesn't matter now. Instead, I took a little less math, lots of languages (which I both enjoy and am good at) and the rest of the package of high school subjects. The first math teacher hated us. He decided we were lazy and terrible and disgusting. So he didn't bother to teach us much. And we didn't bother to learn very much. For some reason I've always been on classes which the teachers thought to be especially lazy and stupid.

Ugh. I never liked school much. It's too authoritian to me, there's too many people who say there's only one right way of doing things and I just refuse to believe in that (the latter is an 'attitude problem', they say). And I just have no respect for institutions like that. Of course the basic idea that everyone learns things is great but you don't learn things in school. Either the teaching is too slow (you get bored) or too fast (you don't learn a thing) or otherwise not good for you. I would've been better off had I had the chance of studying the things on my own, probably. And how I hate the teachers! Yuck. I'd better not start on that. I always hated school, that's sufficient. Every single aspect of it. Even the breaks.

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Been thinking… the blade. What if I cut a little, just a bit? On the side of the bone in my arm, can't remember what it's called. The one on the side, on the upper side. The dominant one, the present one. If I cut, just a little? (Didn't, btw, and probably won't either.)

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Ah well. Another day in :) I forgot to watch the beginning of Ally but I saw Daria in it's entire. God, Daria is adorable. Or actually, Daria's friend, Jane. To have a crush on a cartoon character… Gee :)
I got a little reading done, painted my nails and tomorrow I'm going to pamper myself and go to town to check out some new clothes and records. I also uploaded the new links section and me -page. So I'm quite happy :) Tomorrow I need to apply for the webrings and put the codes on my pages. So there. That's done. Well, almost.
I figured I'd do a bit of reading in bed before I try to sleep. It would be cool. I also decided that I'd better buy new batteries for the cd-player so that I can listen to it tomorrow when I go to town (I swear to god I will wake up in time) because listening to music tends to make me happier and I've been without it long enough to prove I can survive without it. So everything's pretty dandy. I also miss P. I definetely am a very weird person :) No, really. I am.
Tomorrow's entry has to wait till tomorrow to be uploaded. Lately, ie. today, the thought of going to the uni appeals to me very much again. That's why I'm studying :) I really hope I'll get there.
G'night.

Index.