6.5.2000

My body hurts. I don't know why. I don't really care either. It's kinda nice, in a way.
I can't concentrate. I wrote another e-mail to A and this time it made me annoyed. This time I wished she would've fucked off and never bothered me again. This is quite a contast compared to yesterday. Yesterday I thought that it was alright to answer her e-mails. Now I'm just annoyed. Again. Some days I'm feeling fine, the other times I'm so fucking angry. My life's a rollercoaster anyway. Woo…

It could be that what she said about K's page annoyed me. She thinks it's well made. Which it is. But it's also done with an editor. So it's still questionable if she knows anything about html at all. Knowing her, I'd say that she doesn't (I wouldn't be surprised to find out her brother has done this page too). I don't know when she would've had time to learn. It might be that I'm just jealous. Because A talks about pages like she knew anything about them. And because she thinks it's well made and I just find it plain annoying. It's like someone had told me what to do about something. I hate people who give me their opinions even if I never asked for any. If they want to write an essay, fine, but do they have to stick it down my throat?

Oh, yes, I'm pissed off. Also, I've been trying to explain the whole morning to my mother what's wrong with opening attachments in e-mail. She's that kind of person she'd happily run happy99.exe and then whine how stupid computers are because they didn't warn her. It's questionable if she knows how to open e-mail anyway. Ugh.

I think 'ugh' is my new favourite word. It seems to describe my whereabouts quite accurately.

Also, A sent me the most tedious, annoying piece of essay which is supposed to be funny. I would've thought she knew I have no sense of humour. But apparently no. She's always been so busy laughing at her own jokes that it wouldn't be surprising if she doesn't know a thing about me.

Someone give me a gun. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of everything and everyone.

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There's the 'let's be friends' -shit that never works out ike it's supposed to. It's hardly surprising it's impossible. To me anyway. First I thought it'd work out, but it doesn't. I just don't give a fuck. I don't want to be friends with anyone. Friends may go to hell, for all I care.

I don't want friends. Friends suck, friends let you down, friends attack you whenever given the chance. They call themselves 'friends' as long as there's something that's of use for them. The moment you do something, the moment they've been presented with a better option, they're going to fuck off, just like that. The moment you can't give anything to them anymore. They think they're better than you. And they think you don't matter. And they think friendship is something… else than I think it is. They'll break your bones and later they'll be upset about the most ridiculous thing. Because they thought we were friends.
And when they get enough of you, they'll be someone else's suck-ups and they'll be so cool again and everyone wonders why you don't like them anymore even if you used to be such good mates.

And even if you're entitled to blow up their houses, you never think of it when it happens but instead you think you're the bad guy, you're the idiot. Like there was any reason to think anything good about them when they have been complete fuckheads and you know it. And when you later on get all bitchy and never want to see them again, you're always the one who broke up, they never had anything to do with anything. Because they were always the good ones, they were always right, they never did anything wrong. Oh, and you will feel guilty and you will be the one they gossip about.

Did I tell you that there's a reason why I never trust anyone?

Index.