9.4.2000

The 'l' is stuck. The same with 'd', 'v' and '-'. They're somewhat working but slowly. That's all. Thank god, if I can say that.
The snow is down to 40 cms today, two days back it was still over 60 cm. So I'm somewhat happy about that. I'm really tired today. I got up at 2 and my legs keep hurting. I could probably take the keyboard apart and clean it up but I'm hesitant, it's possible I'd break it or something. Everything's more or less sticky around my table.

Uh, now the l has stopped working althogether. I set up another key to replace it. looks like I have to try at least.
My father is the most irritant person alive. That is a fact. Jesus.

- - -

Today's happenings. My father came here to yell at me ( because I had dared to ask him whether he thought it was possible to clean the keyboard up without making it stop functioning). I took off and spent the next hour and a half in the woods. I just sat there. I couldn't do anything, couldn't think of anything. I just sat and got cold. It's zero degrees outside which is okay but not in the clothes I was wearing. I kept hoping I'd catch a flu or something like that. Then I walked for a while in the graveyard which was it's peaceful self. I felt a bit better, realized how cold I was and headed back home. Meanwhile my father had 'fixed' the 'l' key. Which is cool but I'm not feeling very grateful.

I kept wondering at some point if he even remembers. And if he remembers, how does he dare to yell at me? Also, what if I'm just imagining? What if I just make everything up in my head? (No, I can't think like that, I know it isn't so.)

I haven't revised for the past three days so I feel lazy and disgusting. I wish I didn't have to do it. There's no way I'll get to the uni anyway because I don't really want to. I just wish I could make this all end, one way or other. I'm tired of being alive, tired of being me.

- - -

My so-called friend sent me the addres of her new homepage. I found a link to the homepage of my elementary school. Yuck. The homepage's pretty poor as well.
I'm too tired to give a shit about the webrings today. I have to push it back once again which is annoying. I hate not getting things done. The links need revamping too. And other things...
I'm visible in one of her pictures. She could have asked permission. And I bet she didn't write the html herself. Her brother did the page she used to have. I kinda doubt she hasn't done this one either. But I could always be bitter and cynical. Especially because I don't even like her.

Index.