The Grey Knight ...

So you actually want to know something about me ?

I suppose there's no accounting for the morbid tastes of some people...

Historical Note

This page has undergone a few changes. When I first put up this site, it was mainly a self-pitying rant. As an example, it started off with the statement: "My most striking feature is my notorious and almost pathological inability to interact with others socially. This is particularly manifest in my record of failure when it comes to relationships."

Since that time my life has changed for the better, and for a long while this page was out of service. This was to a large extent because my normal style of writing tends to be cynical and whining and I had difficulty in expressing myself in any other way. You could say that I was at a loss for words because I didn't have anything to complain about. Anyway, for better or worse, I've now resurrected this page.


Until I met the wonderful Xesce, my love life was non-existent. I had a Scott Adams comic strip on this page describing how I felt. It was a miserable existence.

When Xesce found me [yes, the dashing knight had to be rescued by a damsel in distress] it changed my life much more than I thought possible. I feel incredibly lucky. She is *different* to all those zombies out there and rejects the rancid society in which we have to live even more thoroughly than I do.

It isn't easy to describe her briefly. I could say that she is intelligent, beautiful, creative and extremely sexy but I feel that such bland statements would be missing the point. But a long flowery description of why I find her so wonderful would make everyone barf their breakfast, and anyway I've never been good at that sort of thing. So let's just say that I love her dearly, and knowing her has turned my life around.

She has a web site where she has the courage to express her feelings and experiences much more openly than me; I still peep out at the world through slits in my armour.


Grey Knight

I admit that the name Grey Knight sounds a little immature, but it has some historical significance and, since I've been too unimaginative to think up anything better, I've stuck with it for the time being.

It seems there's a whole army of other grey knights out there, and to some extent this is a metaphor for my life. Despite efforts to the contrary, I feel that I am to a large extent a boring and unoriginal person. Perhaps my web site will bear this out.

At times I've identified with Don Quixote [by the way, I believe he was a closet suicidal; read about the incident with the lions and tell me you disagree], but at times not. The Don had great self-confidence, and, not coincidentally, lived in a world of illusion. I try to be sceptical about most things (although no doubt not sceptical enough) and I have a particular dislike of deception, especially self-deception.

When I was feeling bad in the past, I often signed myself Grey Monk, an epithath which had no particular significance other than to emphasise a celibate and solitary nature. These days, I'm probably closer to a Mad Monk - not that my personality is anything like Rasputin's, but since I've started to grow my hair, my appearance is remarkably similar. Especially after he died.

Raising the Grey Flag

Ignoring the Knight theme, the word Grey sums me up pretty well. Grey in the sense of occupying the grey area - that uncomfortable middle-ground that is shunned by the majority who prefer to think in terms of black and white.

As a result I always end up in conflict with the official line - in fact, in the absence of evidence, my default position is always to assume that the official line is wrong. This tends to make me fairly unpopular but I'd rather be unpopular than wrong. [Of course it's likely that I'm both unpopular AND wrong, but this doesn't imply that I'd be any less wrong if I blindly joined someone or other's camp.]

I occasionally rant about political issues and I've frequently been called a communist, because I often express the opinion capitalism sucks. But actually all known political systems suck, and the alternative of anarchy doesn't seem terribly appealing. The problem with political systems, and indeed society in general, is that they are run by human beings - that is to say, a species that evolved to live in small hunter/gatherer groups on the tropical savanah and which is incapable of effectively running a modern industrial society. And if you think that I am suggesting we "go back to the caves" then you are missing the point here.

I have no solution. It may be that there is no solution.

My motto is: A plague on ALL of your houses


Energia is to the Grey Knight as Rocinante was to Don Quixote.

Energia a true comrade. Built in the Volga Automobile Plant in the days when the USSR still existed, she has been with me in my travels all the way from the tropics to the snow. Despite considerable abuse, she always gets through, and has got me into and out of places where I haven't deserved to be.

Here she is in the desert [actually semi-desert] and jungle [actually coastal monsoon forest].

Drink a glass of vodka to her health, everyone.


Probably fortunately, most of my illustrations have succumbed to the attrition of the years. Others are irrelevant without context, implicate various people or are otherwise unsuitable. Of those that remain, here are some that are vaguely appropriate. WARNING: I am not an artist.

So Long... was drawn on departing my home town many years ago.

The Sendoff Committee. This one was drawn on leaving university many years ago. With the exception of the Grim Reaper skulking in the background, all people shown in this illustration are caricatures of malicious individuals who have caused me grief.

The Chemical Warrior. The first appearance of a character who featured prominently in many of my doodles and sketches of the late 80s. Incidentally, trolls venturing into ASH are likely to suffer a fate similar to that of the Chemical Warrior's victim.

The Chemical Warrior again The Chemical Warrior stands amidst a field of skeletonized bodies and sighs: "I don't know; a man does his job to the best of his ability and all he ever gets is criticism". Sometimes I feel like this.

The Fearless Aviator Another of my anti-heroes from the mid 80s.

Last updated: Nov 28th 2001 All death threats to: Grey Knight

unfortunate people and spam-bots have visited this page since Nov 28th 2001