Lonesome day Scribbled down on Saturday, 6 August 2005 12:01:13 PM

Originally posted on Posted on Wed, 03 August 2005 02:37:09 Mood: Unanimated Listening to: television I feel happy that I have a blog script. That means no more manual blogging which sometimes kept me away from posting an entry. I had cutenews installed already but didn't know how to CHMOD a few files. Because I crashed the computer again yesterday, I won't be downloading any FTP programms. He threatened me already that he'd do something to me, not that I take him seriously. It's just better to prevent certain things from happening. So, this online ftp I am using had this CHMOD option. I tested it out and it worked. Therefor I am happy. It didn't take me too long to install everything. Aside from the succesful installation of the blogscript, I am not really happy if you think I am. I've been feeling 'lonely' a few days now. I am actually worried... Too worried. I don't dare to say anything... I am a sort of girl who always tries biting her lips, hoping things will sort theirself out eventually... so there wouldn't be any need to talk about anything. Everytime I heard something, I'd expect a ray of light in the darkness, instead it was just another crow, trying to scare me. I am saddened. My dreams are so useless. I always turn to my dreams for answers. I had this particular one which I can't interpret, it simply doesn't make any sense. I wished I could lucid dream. I even bought a book in the past to be able to teach myself the basics. I'm good in one-time- things. If I continue studying something, I don't get any results as in the beginning. I am incredibly restless. I think it's just my bad luck. I am a negative girl, filled with negative energy. How else can I explain the good things that I receive that sooner or later end up broken, in dust... or gone? It has made me overly pessimistic and insecure about myself. Or I wished I could look in the future... I wouldn't be sitting the way I sit here... with nothingness and the ignorance. I don't have much to say... I have a bad headache and I feel so incomplete. I hope for some news in a maximum time of two weeks. Or else I could start thinking negatively, even I was doing it already.

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