Untitled Scribbled down on Monday, 29 August 2005 14:45:56 PM
There was a documentary (I can't believe I used to spell this word wrong: documentaire :s) on a Dutch channel. I sat watching it while waiting till it turned 2pm so I could go to the library to eventually bring back a few books or pay whatever little debts I caused for not turning them in time. I'm still sitting here, it doesn't look like I will go. The documentary was about a marriage between a Chinese/Japanese man with a Dutch woman. I am interested in all that has to do with romances, it lifted me up and yes, it sort of kept me living in my daydreams where all (mostly) is beautiful. No, I mainly sat and watched it as I was curious how things would or do work out between them, also what kind of feelings they had for each other. Whether it matched the way I felt when being in love or if it was different. It kind of upsetted me when the guy was giving his opinion about the woman, saying she was very gentle, humble, a good person for a nice domestic life and that they would somehow have to discuss their carreer orientated-lifestyle as both worked. I was like, is that all? Is that why you are marrying her? Just because she has qualities to be a sort of good housewife? I got so annoyed as I continued looking at them shopping for a wedding dress and how he was saying 'you look so gorgeous' and the woman was responding 'the dress is too tight, I can't breathe'. There was no touching, stroking, nothing or he could've touch her waist to check whether the dress was fine or kiss her or anything. Before that, a sort of professional woman had a conversation with them to sort of examine whether they make a good match. What is this? At the end, she brought the news of the results to the parents of the guy. She told them the only problem both would have in their relationship was that the woman was older than the guy and would look older sooner (!). What makes me laugh hysterically and feel nauseaus is that there is only three years of difference. How much difference can that be?? How can she look older when they live together if the difference is not big at all?? It's like a milimeter or something, unnoticeable. Is that how people are thinking about relationships these days? About stupid details and to have the basics to be able to leave traces behind that they once existed? I mean offspring. This is really rediculous. Or maybe I was just perfectionistic with my values again. Or perhaps that was just their way of living but that wasn't love. I'd expect the man to caress the woman's face while she came out in her wedding dress to show him. Instead he looked at her like they do in stripclubs. Look but never touch. If I have a lover, I want him to touch me anytime. Not pervertedly but a soft kiss on the cheek, resting a hand on my thigh or rub my back. In anything I want to see that he cares about me. I don't know... I somehow think I'd be a better boyfriend for that woman if I were a guy. I am too attentive and affectionate, especially when I'm in love. I sort of open up and let go of my shyness. I hope they live happily ever after. Maybe a very simple, dull life but to them it probably was a lot. For me it would never be.

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