Demons Scribbled down on Wednesday, 21 September 2005 8:37:32 AM
The preachers are now turning into demons According to reviews I've read about Plath, she could not resist the perfectionism the Queen in her head, representing her mother demanded from her. It would drove her to kill herself. The only way to put an end to that annoying voice, especially if it's living inside your skull, is through death. Through death I also see liberation. I see freedom. I don't have relatives. I've never had a father, nor a mother. I definitely don't have brothers. I'd have to be careful to not entirely loose it and become a monster. Remember, the only monster is just us. We need to slay us, not those who slayed us despite my desire to do so. Images kept flashing in my head and I knew it was wrong, I was wrong. I could loose it. And therefor I had to die, to find peace inside my skull... I didn't hear voices but my brains hurt and it saw things I didn't always have control over. So, yes. That asshole decided to take his rage on me when he came out of work just because there was no food. He rang his big brother to relieve his heart about the loser I was. About the fact I could only be online all day and nothing else. I am rather revengeful. I've been feeling revengeful the entire night. Though most likely it's my fault again. I take all the blame on me but it won't take my need to have revenge. I hope one day he'll suffer incredibly and that I can watch it and maybe enjoy it too. But untill today: I've definitely had it to live here. I don't belong here. Only I can't wish anything bad at the moment. I'd just have to hope I'd get lost or be able to haunt them after death. What you can't see, is rather scary. L. was in my dream. I was pregnant but don't tell me who the father was. Maybe L. Most likely not but I was very happy, though I didn't know who impregnant me. I felt I was 5 months and was expecting a boy. It felt so nice. L. was walking aside me.. and I held my tummy feeling a tiny 5 toe-ed foot. It felt so beautiful. At least I have an idea now how it's like to be pregnant. I have to look for the meaning. A nice dream after all that happened. Today I'll be washing my hair and do another few stuff. I have to see when I can gather the last pieces of the ingredients that I need before morons create my day for me. And I'm still being bothered by physical pain. *curses* I have a terrible headache. Perhaps I'll just plait my hair as they say it's bad to wash your hair when you have your period.

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