First fast day: 7 hours more to go before first succes Scribbled down on Sunday, 14 August 2005 17:02:32 PM
My body is shaking a little. The whole day I only drank water and ate two carrots, that is to keep my stomach from feeling nausea. I shouldn't sleep when I fast as I dream deep and it consumes all my energy. I'm awake feeling incredibly dizzy and my muscles are sore. Why am I such a baby? There are some people here who are protesting from being put out of the country, they have been fasting for more than 40 days. This guy was on the news and could hardly walk or talk. He hasn't eaten anything, I bet nor drunk water. I wished I could be that strong. I am planning to fast 10 days or a week. It may be succesful as I don't have anywhere to go this week. On the 22nd or 25th, I will get something nice to eat. Maybe muffins as these are my favorite, though all I've been thinking was to eat as I'm sad. I was thinking of fries, pizza, junkfood, chocolate, muffins, cakes, chips. You have no idea how much effort I feel into writing this all down but I have to control myself. If I succeed there will be a reason for me to be happy. I want to weigh 55kg or a bit lower. Next week I'll weigh myself again, at the end of the starvation day. On the last day. Tomorrow would've been two weeks that I'm in soltitude. I had it all written, spoken in my head but I can't write right now. It could be the anxiety pills are making me dizzy as well. I took two or so. Not sure. I will write at the end of the race. I have a hard time thinking... I am sure I will start hallucinating. I'm so tired but with a lot to write. Till another time. EDIT: I am very happy. I used the scales and I weigh 58.4kg. I can either choose to go for 3.4 more or 5.4kg. I will see how much I will weigh at the end of my starvation period, which will end next week or two weeks. I have to see how long I can go. I also think of eating 400cal a day. It's better than nothing or else I will get very dizzy which I am already. I know seeing as I sleep, I will start hallucinating soon. Aside of what I wrote that I ate, I also had a hand full of dry cornflakes because I got hungry.

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