Bad Memory Scribbled down on Thursday, 15 September 2005 8:42:39 AM
Dearest diary, I don't want to try out the scales anymore, for being so scared. The last time I checked my weight was last week and I was 57kg. I even saw 56.7kg but it changed everytime I stepped on it. It would either swing to 65 or go lower. It made me want to beat the scales against the wall till it broke as I already know it's not very trustworthy though what's definitely sure, I have lost weight. Yesterday when I was online, my brother was preparing himself, putting nice clothes on to my accord. This is the second time this week I think he works during the morning, not at night. My memory is working horrible. I feel I have a better mind for faces than to remember things that happen or knowledge out of books. Without being ashamed, I shall tell you there are many many things I were taught at school that I no longer remember well, except the languages. That's all I were good at for being blessed with a language that is a mixture of countless other languages. Therefor, excelling in French and Spanish was never difficult. My native tongue contains a lot of French, Spanish, English, Portuguese words. We were once talking (yes, again about L.) about the movie I had seen that Micheal Moore directed (Bowling for Columbine). L. and I both agreed it was a fantastic and fabulous movie, especially the cartoons I found hilarious. I haven't seen Fahrenheit yet and while I was thinking about buying a dvd as he firstly said he would mail me a copy, he changed his mind and thought it was nice if I came over and we'd see it together! *smiles warmly* I really like that he suggested that and maybe we may. He already said he could come by car when he ever comes here (he is now, only he can't come nor is it the right moment for me) to take me and have a sleepover at his house. He's crazy. I do like how he behaves as a total gentleman. I wanted to visit him by train and come back the same day but it seems impossible as it's a long ride. That day I will try to be as much impressive as I can be and also very open, instead of shy (cutting is like alcohol, it makes me feel really confident from time to time). I will have to try hard my best since he also has a roommate. Great. He's really smart too. He is now the person who got me into politics. He showed me how corrupt everything is, how many things that happens in America is a set up and all bunch of lies. I already know about 9/11 being done by the government himself. But I never knew that Al-Qaida was a lie as it doesn't exist. L. said it gave the Americans a reason to start a war in Iraq. This is really so unfair. People are really hating the wrong people. Also during the Hurricane, it is said to be explosions, very weird ones. I can't believe the government is wanting to slay its own people. Some numerologists have calculated that Bush is a reincarnation of the devil. Not literally. But he has all qualities that shows how much he delays with help or does things to prevent freedom. As I preached the Gandhi method (I can't help being peaceful, I hate fighting really), L. was rather getting his guns and pistols ready to shoot the hell out of these politicians. He is rather angry and that's rather soft to say. He was furious. And I do agree with him totally. They had to pay for everything they have done to innocent people. It's really possible that soon worse things will happen, especially when the Americans see they are not a united, good and 'peaceful' nation. They are being directed and lied to by monsters... More reasons why I'd want to kill myself. Life has no meaning. I don't wish to live in a corrupted world.

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