Freak Scribbled down on Sunday, 2 October 2005 12:05:57 PM
Dearest diary, I'm laughing because I know I'm a freak. A big one. So, last night I made myself smell like him. *feels warm* Well, it's just soap, right? I am not the only one who buys these things and uses them. Well? I went to bed early as I wasn't feeling well and moaned the whole night as if it would make my headaches less painful. My bones were getting stiff thanks to the cold, that's why I took the initiative to shower to warm myself up. When I did, I was having another trouble which was my skin drying out (sort of). It got stiff just as my bones felt like. I think I was in bed around 9pm already. Since yesterday I wanted to open the dusted bag with Al.'s letters stored and reread them again. But why? Well, at this stage, of course everything was going through my head. Everything I dealt with till today. Memories. I was digging out all memories I've ever had. I was having something as a flashback, daily. Something says no ('don't you read these words'), as it may wake up certain things... feelings maybe and then I'd probably be longing to run into her arms again as I used to do, before I finally realised that it had become a sort of a 'game', almost. She accused me for being a liar, I admit now. I am. It protected me. So was she. She was a severer liar than I was, as I wouldn't lie about... Never mind. Looking back I do understand her and see she's had a... I bet she's... Never mind. J. sent me an email. She was one of the millions penpals I had. She resides in Russia at the moment and emailed all her friends with the note she had calling cards to ring any of us up who wanted to have a chat with her. I sort of wanted to reply back and ask her to call me, just to see how she sounds like. I've never heard her voice and I bet it'll be hard to understand her too. I always had difficulty (sometimes) to understand people with an accent. She's Canadian and went to Russia for an exchange project, I have no idea. We stopped writing since last year. Again, my fault. In contrary with me, she's rather pretty with her long soft curly dark locks. I was a very plain girl. I think anyone would doubt what gender I was at first sight due my simplicity. Or they'd have to hear my voice to be sure which was plain too :-s I thought I had a dark or low voice, almost sleepy or dreamy. *shakes head* hey everyone!! Hope everyone is good! I am just emailing to let you guys know i can call you if you want... i got a couple calling cards... with like... 6 or 700 minutes each! so i got lots of time to talk so if you want me to call just email me what time is good.. im available any time on your sunday or monday (my weekend)... your mornings and afternoons and... yeah ... but tell me whats good for you and well negotiate.. oh anf that was russian time i was talkin bout just so you know (doesnt apply to Luk or enigma)... so yeah hope to hear from you all! hope all is good! talk soon!! POKA!!

«« death taking place -- prisoned by life »»