Sleeps Scribbled down on Sunday, 4 September 2005 8:40:02 AM
When I fall asleep, it's like I'm temporarily gone. In the sense that I have no idea that I were sleeping when I wake up. Or perhaps my memory is bad for me to remember anything. I will visit my doctor tomorrow with a lie. But actually more because I want to talk to someone. I miss have someone replying to me. Last night I talked to a spider that was walking on the ceiling. I was telling it to go away but it wouldn't listen. I decided to move him away with an incense-holder. Instead it jumped on me and was later creeping up the curtain. I sighed as I continued glaring at it walking in circles over the ceiling till I fell asleep. I weigh myself daily. I think I hate the scales. I stood on them and went from 59 to 69kg! I was like 'WHAT THE HELL??' Now I am going to NOT eat anything. Digital scales are seriously fucked up. A normal scale would show precisely how much you weigh. Or else I will weigh myself outside in those restrooms, they have these scales stuff where you can see if you're on a good weight or not. Somehow I weigh 57.7kg now. That is, when the scales is feeling like showing me the truth. But hell I'm being 69, it must be crazy. I'm not even that fat. Everything is slim on me beside my thighs, or my head may be big. *laughs sadly* Yesterday the guests came. My brother's girlfriend is now in the bedroom together (door closed) making loads of commotion. My mother begged me to come and greet her mother (she came with her parents, except the father isn't her biological one but her mother's boyfriend). It would be nice to meet her after I heard the stories of my brother that she also listen to 'hardcore' music (that means Linkin Park, Metallica, and you know, those type of stuff) and had several marks on her arms. Maybe we could relate but I don't want to mix with anyone new. I just hope they won't wake up seeing me here... *hears them coming out of the bedroom as I feared, sighs* I will tell my doctor I have terrible sleeping problems, so he may give me Dormicum. He may not. But I will go and have a chat with him and perhaps tell him I feel rather lonely. My brother is annoying me now, sprinkling water on me. I can't write any further as now I'm very intimidated. The only moment she (my brother's girlfriend) sees me, is when I'm online writing my journals.

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