Fucked Scribbled down on Tuesday, 6 September 2005 1:35:42 AM
Dearest diary, I'm so suicidial tonight... for no reason at all. Just comments L. makes and I find myself reacting like someone who has someone else standing with highheels on her toes. I want to slice myself tonight. I want to bleed myself dry... I want the blood to keep pouring on forever. I don't want to live... but I have to wait. I have to be patience. Too bad my batteries are low or else music would've comforted me. I think I am so angered and so mad at myself as I always feel like telling the truth on the tip of my tongue but I don't want to tell him for the disaster he may cause. I want to feel him hugging me and find me pretty... I am really so miserably sad. Like a pathetic whore. I am a whore, I am. And I will get thinner, I will. Just to punish myself. I need to suffer as much as I can make myself to. And I will cut tonight, I will and get drowsy by my medication and swim away in my empty, stupid, hollow dreams. I think I will end up in tears tonight till I fall asleep.

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