Dreams Scribbled down on Tuesday, 16 August 2005 10:52:16 AM
Someone jumped from a building in my dream. I could hear the sound of breaking bones resound in my ears as I clinged myself to someone, I don't know who it is. I don't remember every detail as I think frequently that my dream is reality and when I wake up realising it's not, it's like everything disappears. All the memories. This guy -I think- is someone who died last year. I'm not sure it's really him but it was someone. I think I must start taking myself serious. I should buy all 'equipment' before asking people stupid questions. I must succeed into fooling my mother I will stay with someone for week so I can do it all at peace. The only fear I have is that it could go wrong... but no questions now. I will have to first gather all the items before saying I will prepare a dish. A dish can't be prepared without any ingredients. I believe he's possibly dead. Only it doesn't make sense that his mobile is left somewhere, and no one is checking it. He stayed in an apparment friends helped him find. Before with a friend who was on vacation. Where could his mobile possibly be? Did he loose it? I won't believe other things. I will assume he's dead now though it's harsh while he was probably walking fine at the other side of the world. I blame myself that this is happening. I decided to be honest about my feelings, what made him change his mind. He was coming but thought he should go abroad, further from me, for a work and also to feel better (where he stayed wasn't a good environment). With the idea that I would come and we would live together. He told me I could come anytime even he planned to visit me in a few weeks (from now). What scares me is that he was afraid when he was moving, like he knew something was going to happen. I'd rather had him here but as it's a country he loves, he has the right to go there and be happy, we'd see each other anyway, that's how I thought. If he's dead why doesn't anyone check his stuff in his appartment? If I ever get in touch with him again, I swear I won't let him go anywhere else than coming to me. Even... the distance and ignorance that seems to be getting bigger was telling me, he was too good for me. I don't deserve anyone, so it happened for a good reason. EDIT: I'm going to shop now. I'm hungry. I will try not to eat so much like yesterday.

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