Survey Scribbled down on Monday, 22 August 2005 0:31:09 AM
HOW OFTEN DO YOU CRY? Since I have 'changed', I cry daily, if not, then I do so weekly. I have all reasons to. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY THE EASIEST? Deep music. My thoughts. Memories. The way my life is. People. Almost everything. Mainly M. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY HAPPY? When a child smiles at me or comes towards me, though I feel awkward, like I can contaminate it with my darkness. But it shows me something beautiful, a little tiny connection till it's broken. I also feel happy when I'm close to someone I dearly love. Just to hear his voice and his laughter, it is what kind of awakes me out of my deathdream or -sleep. It makes life run into me. Something that feels really nice. What would REALLY make me happy, would always be to have someone you love, very close. Skin against skin. Heartbeat near heartbeat. HAS ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU EVER DIED? Mostly elderlies. My grandparents on mother's side, later her aunt. I wasn't too close to them to experience it as a loss. I only felt weird to sense them warm and the next day cold, in the coffin where they lied. I wonder what was inside their body and where it went. Or whether it died. I don't know. Hard to grasp death. HAS ANYBODY CLOSE TO YOU EVER COMMITTED SUICIDE? I knew two people but they weren't close, like in best friend or anything that would change people's life a little. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED OVER THE DEATH OF A CELEBRITY? I felt sad when Princess Diana died. I can't remember I cried. Also Aaliyah's death shocked me. How would she have experienced the hungry, hot flames wrapped around her flesh with one purpose she would never be able to change? WHAT WOULD BE THE SCARIEST WAY TO DIE, IN YOUR OPINION? All slow deaths are terrifying. Or seeing a horrible death coming onto you but being unable to do something, other than just facing it. Knowledge is scary.

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