Headache killer Scribbled down on Saturday, 6 August 2005 12:07:23 PM
Originally posted on Thu, 04 August 2005 10:38:36 All I have are journals, tummyaches, pains... and pains. Yesterday I was doing alright. That's acceptable or normal. When the pain has gotten all of me, made me out of breath, then it lets go of me a little. Then it gives me a little break, how considerate. As soon as I have gained some energy, it is up for some fun again. The headache is my own fault. I shouldn't have wept or else I'd be all fine. Am I the only one who suffers of migraine after crying, is it normal? I have had that too often. I couldn't resist all I am going through, currently. I try to go around the bushes or do anything to not have to think but the fact stayed I was in soltitude, once again. Once again, I was all on my own. It's so sad. I have always tried to prepare myself for any possible falls... Anything. I tell myself: Enigma, you know how unpredictable the future is, anything you may be liking or finding pleasure in at the moment, could be gone the next minute. Always prepare yourself for such drastic change. I forgot to do so this time. Of course things never go the way I wish them to, why do I always forget? Why am I so forgetful? These are the consequences for having such a terrible mind. I can't sleep, I can't rest. The days are too long, for me it felt like I have not breathed in weeks while it's been a few days, not yet a week. There's so much I have to do, helping my mother. I am frustrated as I don't feel any lust to do nothing. I want to be locked up in a bedroom and stay there forever. Live and do everything in there untill I just wither by myself. It's worse I know, I'd be confronted with my thoughts and experiences easily. I only want to be somewhere to not be bothered by anyone or anything. Like on this island, like the Blue Lagoon movies. Only it's a personal choice. Also this place has to be peaceful. Maybe I'd want someone with me.. (of course I do, of course). Who else would I want?

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