I assume that you are looking at this now because I’m dead and I disclosed the URL of this site prior to my leave. It is very much hoped that I am successfully laying in the morgue in oblivion at the moment. Or so I planned. If not, I shall be in f*@%ing big trouble.

I am born on 30^th December 2002, making me 12 years of age currently.

23^rd December is a week before my 13^th birthday, meaning I get to be a child forever. Neverland, uh? I hate the term “teenagers”. Yuck. It’s when they attribute every single fvcking one of your problems to “The Woes of Being a Teen and Growing Up”, when it’s in fact not the case at all. All the grown-ups will disregard your problems, because apparently it’s a phase everyone goes through. Hopefully by this I make my point, since I don’t think a high proportion of teenagers/children end up dead. Hah.

I AM NOT A TEENAGER OKAY. I DID NOT CELEBRATE MY 13^TH BIRTHDAY. STOP INSULTING ME BY CALLING ME A TEENAGER.

22 December is the winter solstice. For idiots who do not know what that is, please consult Wikipedia or our dear Google. Such a long night… And I shall awake knowing it’s my last day (23 December) existing on Earth. How morbid indeed (for the average human). Or if you were me, you would be celebrating the day I am finally free instead of grieving - it’s all I’ve wanted, to sleep and never wake.

Here, I shall state some things about myself. (If anyone actually wants to know, I doubt so but anyway)

I am pretty involved in the ASH descended chatrooms, and I have on some occasions posted to the various newsgroups. I do consider myself every bit an ASHer according to the original values and beliefs rooted there. Generally, I am perceived as anti-social, extremist, antagonistic and passive, and as described by my classmate, “an emo freak.” That is not very nice of her, but I really do not like to waste the precious little time of my life I have left arguing with such persons, so I usually prefer to immerse myself in my world of solitude. This explains the reason for my being half-asleep most of the time (Although this can be due to the fact that I go to bed at 3am regularly, and get up for school at 5.30am). It also serves as a mean of self-protection from the harsh cruel world of hypocritical, back-stabbing and evil human beings.

I like math, science, potatoes and pondering the meaning of life. In my free time, I will talk to the folks of ASH, google ‘I want to die right now’, read whatever book I have on my shelf, sieve through ASH archives or think. Yes, think. Please do not confuse this with ‘daydreaming’, although it may appear so on the outside.

I hate soggy vegetables, soup, the insides of animals, eating, sleeping, humans, communication with most 13-19 year olds, being touched, being coerced to do things I do not want to do, chinese lessons, being called a teenager and social media. Social media is utterly moronic and falls into the catergory of nihilistic narcissism (who gives a damn whether or not you had starbucks today or what you're wearing on any given day. Selfies, as its name suggests, is a severe form of self-obession. Social media holds no truth and feelings whatsoever, serving only as a platform for conceited individuals to update and compete with others on the fabulousness of their life through heavily-filtered Instagram photos, pretentious Facebook statuses and compliment-seeking "I am ugly!" tumblr posts etc).

My favorite books are Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend, Unhooking the Moon and The Little Prince. The Little Prince ranks number one.

My favorite people on earth are Jan and Eq. I love Anupam as well, and you too Jerry. Mira, even though it’s been what seems like ages since you left me, I still love you. After all, it is my promise to you that I am still alive as of September 2015.

Thanks Ms Goh and Pat for helping me through those hard times and balancing out the presumably “negative” influences of my company (The ASH&EP gang!). [this is so cliché oh my god]

This is turning into some sort of suicide-note-and-self-introduction combo. I need to get back on track.

I live in Sembawang, Singapore, which is conveniently 10 minutes away from the North Coast (aka Sembawang Park). On multiple occasions, I have fancied walking into the sea.

I may be thoroughly depressing, sometimes a nasty and insensitive person, but I really never wanted to hurt anyone. I know what pain feels like inside out. One thing I can’t stand is to see others hurt and not being able to help make it any better. I tried, but maybe you did not feel it. It’s okay, and I love you.