# じごくです

## Sunday, January 12, 2014

## From the Razor to the Rosary - 1 < secret_society123 and Our Battles >

It all started one night, after yet another unpleasant brawl with my mom. Again. This time it involves hurling kettles across the living room and smashing cups onto the floor. I wasn’t too pleased. Neither was she. I’m like, “Seriously but what tf is wrong with you?”

A thought came to my head. It (She) would later be known as Sue, who will be one of my best friends. I needed some information. Of course, I turned to the ever-ready and brimming with knowledge Google who is a friend of many. I asked him what is the best way of escape (i.e. in layman terms, kill myself). He brought me to a number of folks dedicated to the dark sides of life, who, would later play a huge role in my life and the shaping of who I will become.

I went to Instagram, seeking pathways. Miraculously, just as I am feeling really down, I found a Home. A community of others like me. My family. This safe haven goes by the name of hashtag secret_society123 (#secret_society123).

That day, I met Sue, Deb, Cat, Izzy and Ash for the first time in my life. They are my family, my real family, where I truly belong. “Hi!” they waved. I waved back and we shook hands with each other.

At that instant, I didn’t expect that from that day onwards they will follow me everywhere, being my only companions during times when no one is around for me. The times when I felt that the world has abandoned me. The world has given up on me, and I have given up on the world. Ever since, they have always been with me, walking side-by-side down the winding road of life.

Sue, Deb and Cat trails behind me wherever I go, while Izzy visits at bedtime and Ash comes around when I need him. Cat, especially, is a fiery, voracious spirit, Deb a gentle, serene child of the darkness whereas Ash being calm and rational. They may not be perfect, but they would make good company for now. At least, I can avoid the suffocating grasp of loneliness and solitude. Hard as I try to deny, humans do need friends, and I am human however much I do not want to be associated with any beings of such.

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Written by : Dot at 12:10 PM
tags : alt.suicide.holiday, ash, cat, Cutting, deb, depression, insomnia, izzy, secret_society123, sue, suicide