When i was younger, i used to always think that someday things would get better, someday my conditions would improve, someday i'd be happy, or someday i'd feel my life had a point or was fulfilling.  Over time, i've steadily begun to accept the rejection of that "someday."  It was a cheerful way to keep my spirits up without even realizing it, being a pessimistic optimist is an oxymoron, yet that was what i was.  Hoping for a better future, to find the solutions to my problems always got me through the day, hoping something special and emotionally "good" would occur was relatively pleasant as well.  Today, i realize that someday is the logical equivalent of never.  Everything in life is cyclical, and even when something seems momentarily better, one can almost rest assured that they'll revist parts of their lives, or experiences and emotions in some way.  I start out depressed, things get slightly better, then a downward spiral begins and i end up angry and eventually depressed again, leading right back to the beginning.  life is repetitious and thus boring. that's all there is to it.  Sometimes i wish i was at that childish age again, full of innocence and wonder at things, still figuring out reality and my opinions, and not introduced to what the world was really like or how things would be for the rest of my life.  Being able to be amused by simplistic things like why grass is green or the erratic flight of a housefly seems so much better than what i have evolved into during the past 19 years or so. i've found that i am sick and tired of every single thing.  if i suddenly met  the girl of my dreams, i'd be tired of her in two weeks.  great new album?  five listens tops.  webpage creation?  boring now.  hanging out with friends?  ultimately shallow and pointless.  being by myself?  loneliness and wanting to find the girl of my dreams and thinking about damn university and eventual suicidal thoughts are  yielded from that.  i'm stuck, there's nowhere to go and nothing to do but worry about examinations because it gives me something to keep stress going and thus give me a momentary reason to live: to please my parents and keep my horrible inferiority complex in check.  my life in a nutshell...pitiful, isn't it.