the alarm rings, and my brain is suddenly shocked back to life in a sudden jolt of stimuli and responses.  the impulse is to falter, stutter, and remain where i am amongst the pile of blankets.  yet, every morning the desire is resisted and i pull myself out of slumber and into existence, and on a grander scale, another day.  to stay comatose would be a blessing, to remain ensconced inside my skull, safe and secluded eternally in my own thoughts and dreams, never to be threatened by the outside world and it's empty core. when i go to bed, i wear pajamas.  the kind your grandfather probably wears/wore.  ones with solid colors and a pocket on the left chest side of the garment.  i've been living next door to tim for about three weeks now, and i doubt that we've ever seen each other after about 11pm or so.  perhaps the awkwardness of seeing one another in non-everyday clothes is too great.  more likely, it's just that we don't have anything urgent to say to one another either at night, or at any time for that matter.  communication between us is small, and yet to have it any other way would feel awkward and possibly forced.  when some topic yields more than a few lines of convrsation, it's known to be important, or at least of some signifcance to both of us.  we remain individuals above all, and this is important to each of us, i think. i had a dream the other night where i was at a cafe on top of a large mountain, drinking water with a woman i've never seen before.  our conversation was rollicking with smiles and dry, humorous laughs, as she was quite knowledgeable, skeptical, and cynical towards nearly any facet of life.  obviously, i found her charming and witty, and the time spent on the mountaintop was satisfying, filling in a recent void of sorts.  sometimes i have the desire to try and have philosophical or moral discussions, but no one that i know of thinks along the same wavelengths that i do.  to question to the obvious is bizarre to most people, but that's what i end up doing most of the time.  although it seems absurd and possibly stupid, to me it makes sense and is frustrating when others fail to see the possible logic in my thoughts.  that's exactly what i was doing with the girl, however, discussing the obvious (or obvious to us i should say) and simply exerting our sly wrath upon the trite and contrived paths modern life takes.  we had a fun time, and i awoke with a sense of self-pity the likes of which i have seen rarely before in myself.  a pity that i shall never have a conversation like that with a girl, or most likely, anyone. i'm finding it harder to write entries in any sort of systematic order because of nearly complete shutdown of any activity or experiences being had.  outside of university subjects and small excursions which bring about little or no thought and consequence.  i fear of sounding unintelligent and more boring than normal in these sort of personal entries.  this fear makes me question my own mental/intellectual state, and wonder if it is in a decline.  to become ignorant is quite a terrible occurrence.