| A week ago, I walked around
the engineering campus, gazing into the artificial lake/stream which is
apparently home to thousands of mosquitoes, both old and new. The
insects buzzed around my head as I walked up the fire escape/scaffolding
of a random engineering building. When I reached the top, I sat down
and thought to myself. People occaisonally came by in clusters, on
the opposite side of the stream, or in the distant grass walkway near Grainger
Library.
I wondered what I was doing up on that scaffolding, staring at people and trying to come up with some interesting thought or groundbreaking idea. Perhaps the main reason is that I wanted to be seen. I wanted someone to come by and say "hello" or offer a friendly "what are you doing up there?" but no one did. i'm not even sure if the passerbys glanced at me or not. i want to feel necessary, i don't feel as such right now. Today started out like a
day from september or october of last year, when I went over to Tim's to
see a DVD of the anime series Serial Experiments: Lain. The sky was
a lazy gray, too tired to bother getting any darker than a pasty off-white.
It rained/drizzled slightly both today and back then. It was colder
last year, however, so much so that I could see my breath and it made my
nose run. Nowadays, I don't need to walk very far to see Tim,
or the other way around. It's a stark contrast to last year, and
I miss those long silent walks, staring at the trees, the graveyard, or
random passerbys. At some point I suppose I'll take up that walk
again, just to see if it's still the same. Undoubtedly, though all
the monuments and people will be the same, the feeling will not, and it
shall be a let down. Memories or dreams are always that way; better
than reality. Equin0x once said "When that Matrix machine is built,
let me be the first to be hooked up. And don't wake me up. Not tomorrow.
Not in fifty years. Not ever." I think I want to be the second.
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