one underlying thing i have realized lately, is that everyday, every hour, i have an identity crisis.  i have no sense of who i am anymore, if i was anyone to begin with.  whenever i am somewhere, i am have a different identity.  at work, i am work me.  at home i am home me.  talking to people online i am a digital entity.  at times i am an asshole to people.  other times i am the most sensitive and concerned individual that is around.  when i am with friends, i have the friend identity in effect.  when i am alone i have an identity as well.  i am not certain if it is my "true" identity, though.  maybe i project the same identity no matter where i go, and i just think that they are different.  to be honest, around people i know well i seem the be the same general person i am when alone.  then again, i do not talk to anyone when i am alone (except myself) so i am not sure how i purvey myself at all.  it is an increasingly complex and annoying situation, one which plagues my mind if not hourly, and least on a basis continual enough so that i fear it.  what i intend to do is simple: lock myself in my room for a week at one point and try to determine what or who i indeed am.  granted i already enclose myself in said confines, but never with an intent to stay there for such an extended period of time nor think so heavily about such things. yesterday i finished taking pictures with the single use camera i had bought several weeks ago.  it is amusing how so many things that humans produce are instantly disposable once we have used them up.  food, containers, cameras, condoms, paper....  we just consume, then flush them away, throw them away, hide them in some closet.  i took pictures of myself, my room, and the two views out of the windows in said room.  my favorite, which i am hoping will actually "develop" correctly, is of a purple/violet sunset with a gray fog in the background from a recent rain.  it is an odd shot, with planned suburban architechture and foliage in the foreground, yet one oddly beautiful and memorable.  hopefully it will come out on paper as glossy as i make the scene sound. work has been...work.  sometimes frustrating to the point of me wishing i had the ability to yell at certain individuals (i don't) but sometimes soothing and rewarding as well.  when you finish something, create something that works and was not existant a few days ago, there is this odd sense of achievement, satisfaction, and completion that simply overwhelms me for a few hours, before i have to start the next assignment and let pessimism and depression rule my emotional status once more. i keep seeing people that i knew at points long past in my life, like an oddly attractive girl who went to grade school with me for a few years (of course she would never remember who i was), or random people i saw walking the hallways in high school.  othertimes i see people who actually remember my face from high school because i was in a class of theirs or something.  it is always embarassing, having these thirty second reunion conversations with people you do not know, have anything in common with, or even remotely care about (they could get hit by an oncoming car and i would not feel a thing) and at the same time it is oddly enjoyable, to know that someone remembers who you are.  it makes you feel....respected (maybe that's just because i talk down to these people though) and possibly a bit immortal in a way, knowing that your memory lingers somewhere besides your own mind and writing.