I work tomorrow.  The woman in charge was nice enough, we talked about our need for glasses.  I suppose it was a bit inane now that i look back at it.  My pathetic attempt to make conversation.  I wonder if she thought me a fool for even trying.... She told me I'd be working in the same cubicle as someone else.  If I recall correctly, a girl.  Now that I think about it in my idealized way, me and this fellow internee would work back to back or side by side well.  She would be moderately attractive and know what to do at this frightening internship better than I.  We would get along marvelously, and we would both find each other interesting enough to have occaisonal conversation concerning something other than what the job was about.  But, that's my idealized world.  In reality she'll either be even more clueless than I, either extremely and embarassingly attractive, or not attractive at all.  We'll both despise each other and not have a single unifying quality with which to further any sort of bond, conversation, or friendship.  It will be a truly horrifying experience, I tell myself. I was reading invisible man for an hour and a half.  It's quickly becoming a 'top 15' novel and I could easily read the remaining 250 pages in one sitting, but I can't, I have to wake up at 6:30am to make it to work on time tomorrow.  The drive to work is frustratingly complex, driving over several roads, highways, backroads, and Motorola roads.  I got lost on the way home from the Schaumburg plant today.  Imagine what it will be like going to Arlington Heights.  In getting lost, I took a wrong right turn.  It was frustrating.  I hate feeling like an idiot, and yet I do it all the time, make myself feel like one.  I wish I was more perceptive, retained what I learned better.  I learned today that the interns are going to Great America for a day.  I wanted to give my ticket away.  I won't enjoy it, I've always hated 'amusement  parks,' namely because they're not amusing.  I don't think my  manager would understand if I said I didn't want to go.  He wouldn't understand at all.  I don't think anyone really understands me, but everday I get more of a knowledge of myself.  To me I am all absorbing.  To everyone else, I don't exist, or I'm a weird kid, or not interesting, or just an idiot mumbling the wrong answer.  I don't think I can please anyone but myself, and I don't even do that very well. I'm going to see Sara on Saturday.  I have conflicting feelings about this.  I want to just be her friend, but at the same time I wouldn't mind at all kissing her.  I already have told myself that I wouldn't try, or even make an effort to.  I guess that's the best course of action.  We'll see, I'm probably wrong, I am on nearly everthing else.