someone said this to me:  "if you really love someone then you wouldn't get bored of them."  i had to chuckle, because i've heard that so much from many different people over the past few days/months/years, and i don't really believe it.  i guess i don't believe much in love either.  there used to be a point in my life where i thought i loved
things, namely music, people, books.  now i wonder if i ever loved them at all, or was just thrilled that things could
excite me so much momentarily.  everything ceases to excite me after a certain point i've realized.  maybe that's why most new people i converse with stop talking to me after a few days/weeks.  they just fade slowly out of        existance...the email gets shorter, silence lasts longer, meetings occur less; it's like a slow disease, they die from
your life, and you can see every painful moment of it.

today is the most beautiful day outside.  it is raining a little bit, but not enough to get you very wet at all.  the sun is out, but there are enough clouds to cover it up partially so it is overcast, but still bright, with gray streaks of sunshine sawing through the sky.  there are blackbirds flying in archaic figure eight patterns in the sky, while i'm looking at the steeple from some cathedral in the distance, and it reminds me of a scene from an anime i saw at some point in time.  i think i've found out what causes my depression, it seems very simple, really when i think about it.  it is merely because i am bored with life which leads to those feelings.  it explains so much, why i get at least four new music albums each week, why being some sort of odd creature or flying around in space appeals to me momentarily, and so on.  all those things which could momentarily make life exciting again are out of reach.  i'm starting to get bored of music, oddly enough.  i think i've over saturated myself with it, i have too much, but i don't want to get rid of any of it, because most of it is good, but just not that much really moves me, not to the degree it once did.  nothing really moves me much anymore.  at least i know the problems now.  the new question is how do i overcome these problems.