i'm drunk again, finishing off the bottle of rum i previously held.  keeping up with my promises, as usual.  i'm doing homework, which is apparently odd to do when drinking. it's worse this  time around, i've drunk more, and everything is swirling.  i laugh at alot of things, and i'm very silent in between.  listening to music is very interesting, as i'm getting very much into the lyrics and singing along sometimes.  listening to nine inch nails, so the lyrics have always connected, but this is a new style of hearing them.  the music to this mouse on mars cd is excellent, i have to say.  i've always enjoyed the cd, but this time, it's different.  listening ot boards of canada's "hi scores" right now, and the last song is more beautiful than i ever could have imagined it.  everything fits, all the layers come into place.  i am tyiping with my eyes closed, becausewith them open, i cannot see or think that well.  it si the only wayto type like hits.  the sounds meld together, and i am more saddened by it than i ever could be normally?  well, not really, but the drunk factor adds something in.         everything above this was typed in some sort of drunken haze.  upon further introspection of my actions last night, getting intoxicated is just about the stupidest thing i could ever do.  i acted like an idiot all night, and now i am regretting it highly.  i flailed around in my room like brainless child or something...i wanted to stop, but i         couldn't...everything was moving by at ten million miles an hour, and i couldn't keep up.  fuck i wanted to stop and just say "alright, i've had enough of this, back to being sober forever."  but it wasn't that easy.  time had to pass before i even began to think logically again and realized the stupidity of each and every action that i took last night.  when i woke up this morning, i was just thinking to myself about how ignorant and foolish i must have seemed, which makes me all the further depressed.  but not depressed like i normally would be, more like mortified and feeling "i hope no one thinks less of me."  if i talked to you, saw you, ran into you, or whatever last night, i am greatly sorry that you had to witness me in that state, as it was highly embarassing probably for both me and anyone i met.  i have no desire to ever touch alcohol again when there are so many things which taste much better than that junk.  i think that sums up the horribleness which was the night of thursday april twenty-seventh.