listening to nine inch nails 'i do not want this' right now.  brilliant, as usual.  lyricism that points to who i am, what i am, and what i am to become.  although i realize that trent reznor was not writing about me, i have to believe that i at least fit into whatever or whomever he was writing about.  i had a calculus exam today...i think i was bested by it...i studied for it a bit, and felt quite capable, but several of the questions were rather unlike the homework...  it is evening.  dark outside, as is expected about this time of the evening.  lights glitter, flicker, and die.  it is bacteria which plagues the skyline, fills it up.  electricity pollution.  clicker clicker flack static staticcccccck.  i watch it from my prison of glass and concrete.  being alone is much better than being with anyone else, i must say.  i never feel exactly myself when i'm with someone else, although there are maybe three people with whom this comes relatively close.  it is an odd feeling, to feel alienated from people and society, but i am quite alright with it.  in fact, i cannot comprehend how people normally go through things such as personal relationships and dating anymore.  they are just puppets, mimicking the social behavior and various stanchions of citizens before them, all relating to some temperal void called the past which is obscure and  irrelevant and best.  in general, i must say people are blind to anything other than their immediate surroundings and stimuli.  i, however, try to notice everything, and unfortunately, oftentimes get enwrapped in the claustrophobic atmosphere which is "the world."  if there were more ways with which to withdraw from this planet earth, i have not found them yet.  but i would most certainly withdraw further, given the chance.  people are all phonies in general.