i remember when getting a new aphex twin record was the most uplifting thing in the world.  it was all that mattered, at least for a while.  those early years of obtaining music. 
i'm having the same experience listening to the bootleg of analogue bubblebath five.  it brings back memories as to
when i got ICBYD.  it's good like that level...drum and bassy, but with melody and video game patterns to it.  now
i'm listening to GAK.  another of richard's obscure ones.  all realaudio format.  i think all this listening is making me
realize how much i miss richard's work, and how i wish he would put out a really good release sometime soon.

today was physics discussion.  where we didn't discuss very much.  it's all pointless.  i never seem to learn
anything there.  just go because of some friendly people. 
apparently, i received 97 hits on this page yesterday.  yet, no one has emailed me at all.  i don't know if this is a good thing or not.  i've cut myself off from the outside world for various reasons.  perhaps it's gone all too far, though.  i'll never know.  i daydreamed for a bit after physics.  dreamt about how i'd like to take a spaceship, my music, books, few friends, etc, and fly off into outerspace, exploring the depths and wonders of the unknown.  i would stock up all foodstuffs, get ready, and then fly off.  but however my fantasies be beautiful, they are unlikely.  just thinking about all the failures that i would encounter is enough to make me discard the idea completely.  all the 'zoom' and grandeur that surrounded the original idea, would be vanquished like so many other hopes of mine.  the mere fact of the amount of food, power ability to power lights/cd player, etc, and fuel to keep the ship going when it needed to be is hopeless. not to mention the spaceship technology itself is not quite up to par with my dreams.  so much for hope.  so much for anything.