everything can stop me now because i still care listening to the downward spiral, the song "piggy" marks the beginning of the narrator's descent into a warm bed of melancholy, hate, and self-disgust. repeating the phrase "nothing can stop me now, because i don't care anymore" as the chorus, the narrator displays what it truly means to be free of societal and mental constraints. to not care is by definition to be free. to not care if you get hit by a car means freedom to walk into a street. to not care how you perform at work or at school means you have the freedom to do as you please in an otherwise staunch and rigorously rigid microsociety. to not worry about your appearance or mannerisms anymore leads to complete freedom in the face of others and civilization as a whole. to not care absolutely means you are able to do anything you wish without regard for yourself or anyone else. it is not stupidity-you are not oblivious to the fact that you do not care. instead, you revel in the freedom it gives you, even if it is slightly unconscious to how far you have slipped. i used to think i was a casual nihilist, that i was free of constraint most of the time. now i realize just how restricted i am. everything has a fair amount of influence on me, even in cases it should not. i fear the opinion of my parents and coworkers (when i work) and to a certain degree my peers. i fear failure and disappointed looks on other people's faces (although they make me equally angry). i'm such a fake. how could i convince myself even momentarily that i was free? i'm totally unfree, i am aware and conscious of everything. i care about everything that surrounds me and that can be influenced by me. i fear decision making and possible/probable failure. i am all too classically human, and i despise humanity. and my way of life is my excuse, my escape. i am the human equivalent of a hermit crab. my shell(my room, my lack of emotions) is a wonderfully intricate structure that houses and hides me from every situation i can encounter. the only emotion i emanate is fear, angst, and anxiety, namely for the fear of having my shell cracked or disturbed in any sort of way. the shell is built upon early success and my theoretical intelligence. this intelligence seems to diminish while at college, therefore the shell is in a constant troubled state. i will most likely never come out of this shell, and forever be a hermit. i'll never be free, no matter how much i say i would like to be. indeed, i would like to be, but i'm too inhibited by society and others' expectations/thoughts towards me to do anything rash or to fully "stop caring." i hate the concept of 'robert stanton' that everyone else has in their mind. each individual sees me as a different entity, with different features and characteristics. i wish i never met anyone, then i suppose i could say i was free, as the only concept of 'robert stanton' would be my own, by definition the true self. now the problem is now figuring out what to do with life, since i realize that i'll never be quite "free." i shall never experience true happiness, if such a term exists, because i will always be trying to live up to every person's concept of 'robert stanton' and to my own as well. in trying to please everyone, i let everyone down, and there's no escape, because pleasing everyone would mean never leaving anyone/anything behind, and for some reason that seems to be what i've been conditioned for in my 19 years of life/schooling. i suppose i'll take the 9-5 route and become bitter, old, and bored. sigh. i was hoping for so much more.