3:04 pm  i've only been here one week, and my anxiety and melodrama have already returned.  Every class is a demon waiting to poison me with homework and tests.  i've also discovered that i do not want to have a job in the future, because it will take up my life, i shall not be able to live my own life.  instead, i will be following someone else's vision of how lives in a capitalist society should be lived out.  imagining myself wasting away in some office         doing programming every_day is disheartening, as is doing any other sort of job.  because i'd rather be at home,        reading, listening to music, enjoying myself.  not doing some sort of work that gives me carpultunnelsyndrome.  i don't know about the future anymore.  i used to think it would all turn out alright in the end, there would be some redemption that i'd worked for finally come due at last, but know it's vague, hazy...not clear.  i'll just have to find someway to retain the type of life that i want...even though it is impossible to in this age.