it's over i suppose it's over, yes? where has my life gone? i'm unsure, but it's over. i'm displeased with what seems like every action i've taken. after all, it's brought me to this point, has it not? therefore, since i detest where i have landed after all this decision making, i must also dislike every decision i've ever made. how is it that one moment, you're looking forward to a certain period of time, but shortly thereafter, you no longer can understand how you even wanted that bit of time to occur. it no longer confuses me anymore, it seems that things always turn out that way. life becomes a force of habit shortly after you can start to dress yourself, i suppose. to people like me, who seem drawn to routine and perfection of routine, that would be quite good. however, i've recently come into a conflict. i detest the routine i've gotten myself into, and yet it's been quite a long time and there is no way out of it. one can't possibly understand how locked into a certain destiny i am. and destiny is not something predermined, at least in my eyes. instead, it is the path behind you, your destiny is your past, what you have done, and what the past allows you to make of your future. my future is bleak, it seems. i have few choices left to make, anymore. i'm near the end of my important decision making times. shortly thereafter i make relatively pointless decisions such as what to wear in the morning, or what to eat at breakfast. the last important decision is to pick a job, and to pick a place of residence. it is already obvious that i will not find a girl who i'd want to spend more than a few hours at a time with, so the whole marriage/children option is seemingly pointless to think about. at least my lost time this winter has allowed me to see one thing, that i shall not return to motorola after this summer if i cannot find somewhere more suitable to what i have become as a person. it's humiliating to have your job be able to break you like this, it truly is. i'm going now. i'm bored and feel like laughing to divert depression momentarily.