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reminiscing over nothing
somedays i wonder what's happened to all the people in my life that have seen me be a wallflower/bystander for most of my days. kids i went to junior high with, people who bothered to notice me in high school. what are they like now? have they chnged, and what have they become? particularly, i'd like to have a long conversation with everyone who has rejected me over the years, back when i still felt a desire to express emotions to other people. i doubt they even remember me. i suppose this stems from how much i've changed over the course of time. i still remember when i lost my innocence during the summer of seventh grade, when i had hope in the world, and when i subsequently lost that hope. if the people who didn't like me or want to be with me in the past were forced to surround me now, would it be different? would both of us have changed enough so that we were mutually interested in one another? would i even be able to talk to them? my inability to communicate with others has lessened, but i am still quite shy. i wonder if all the quiet girls i had crushed on (but they never had similar feelings of course) found someone else. i wonder if i'll ever stop caring about these silly little trivial things. |