most people want their lives to be different in ways that are different from the way i want mine to change, i think. of course, i'm biased as i don't really talk to people about how they want their lives to change. most people have fantasies about being able to retire to a sunny beach and spend time drinking margaritas or playing golf. maybe even spending time with 'loved ones' (deep down i'm beginning to believe everyone has a desire to be alone, though some people develop tendencies for the need to cling to others). i have a desire to turn into a fifty foot armageodden creature, become some sort of alternate vampire (blood does not taste good), or develop intense intelligence to create cyborgs or something of that nature. there's even the occaisonal 'i want to move somewhere and be happy' daydream as well. ...but... tonight, i hate my life and i wish i was dead. i'm too used to solitude to give it up. why bother trying to change when in reality you don't care about it one way or the other. it's raining outside. i'm listening to christoph de babalon's 'if you're into it i'm out of it'. perfect name for an elitist album in an elitist genre. the track is 'opium.' dark and bassy, not a shred of optimism in this one. the rain streaks down onto the ground, hits the windowpanes of cars. cars have windshield wipers going full blast. the light refracts wonderfully as drops coast downward past the front and rear headlights. outside my window, the rain cascades off of roofs onto the streets and grassy areas below. the only thing you hear is a light patter. the streetlights are quite hot, it seems, whereas the outside air is quite cold. i can tell this from the slight steam which sprouts from where the electrified bulb meets the . the heavy-duty lightbulbs cast a glow into the night, so that below them it resembles day. the rain, when it enters this illuminated field looks like dust floating downwards from above. i've seen this all before, but it still pleases me. it's one of those few things that nature does that i like. but, if i saw it everyday, i'd grow to dislike it most likely. you can overdose on everything.