last sunday, it was 60 degrees farenheit here. today, it is 13 degrees farenheit. cold weather is fine; it's constant, i like that. i find it generally pleasing when it's frigid enough to frostbite your extremeties in several minutes. it stings the skin and i feel something for once, a momentary lapse of pain from the outdoors is refreshing compared to the general apathy of the warm climate inside. fallen fall leaves look better when they are frozen inside a puddle which formed last night after the freezing rain stopped, i noticed, as i was walking to classes today. when it's cold outside, it looks like i am breathing smoke. for some reason, whenever i have powertrip daydreams where i'm some big angular alien looking thing, i always breathe a smoke-like vapor. when it's cold, that part at least actually comes true. this from a history textbook i glanced at today: "ancient religions and cults used ordered castes in which only higher members of the system were able to produce offspring." later, the text goes on to mention that in order to curb the desire for sex or progeny in lower members, children of the lower castes were often forced to view the birth process of their siblings firsthand. seeing their beloved mothers in great pain, the psychological link between sex and suffering was created. it seems, based upon the supposedly correct population tables in the text, this technique usually proved quite effective. hrrrm. i've seen four videotaped births via health education, one seminar on genetic disorders where the newborn came into the world without the back end of it's skull, and a graphical presentation on partial-birth abortions. maybe that's why i no longer care to have any dress rehearsals for reproduction... sex can be used as a form of rebellion as well. it's frowned upon by certain circles, and so of course if a member of that circle (not by choice) does not agree with the inherent dogma, what better way to rebel? well, i don't care, i'm indifferent. i don't have anything to rebel against. no one cares much about what i do, i'm financially well off, i'm independent and free. my parents care that i get decent marks in university, but what good would rebelling against that do me? the argument wouldn't even stand. if i ever bother to do anything, apathy eventually takes the fun out of it.