when there's only silence i've been sick lately, but with what, no one knows. it's some sort of combination of influenza/common cold that doesn't want to go away. it's not mono or anything serious. just a virus that's making life generally unpleasant in a new way. in essence, i do the same things as always, get up, go to work, come home. except with a certain lack of energy and tiredness which stems from the cold. when i come home i just sort of lie on the bed and think about things. i read part of 'the beach' today as well. i hate how it has a ton of press statements and boasts it's a major motion picture on it. i also hate how it says "generation x has it's first great novel." fuck generation x, whoever they are. that was always such a vague and glib term anyway. it's not a bad novel at all, though i'm unsure as to how the writer was able to sell the rights to the book to be a bastardized movie if he believed in anything he wrote in it... tonight everyone in the house is gone, except for me, because no one wants to catch this superb cold, if it's even contagious. the house is silent. i enjoy it. i made dinner by myself, it was rather pleasant. i had a nice arovane cd playing while doing so, even though i couldn't completely hear it due to my clogged sinus cavities. sometimes i wonder if i'd like it if i knew everyone in my family would never come back. while i'm quite happy when they leave, and more than content to go away to college during the semester, if i was to never see them again, would i be distraught? the answer, as it comes to me, would be no, overall. for a bit, it's possible that i might miss them, but i've always been independent with a strong love/hate relationship to anyone who's ever been close to me. i watched the first neon genesis evangelion dvd tonight as well. most people don't like shinji because he's shy, nervous, afraid, cowardly, and sometimes an "ass". yet, even though he's sort of the antihero, i find myself being able to connect with the character. the scenes where he's lying on a bed with the DAT player just cycling back and forth between songs is very personal to me. and the lines "another unfamiliar ceiling" and the "hedgehog dilemna" are meaningful to me as well. unfortunately, after those first episodes, shinji becomes a different person and although the series is still good, it's not that personal. and i *hate* asuka.