Ten o clock here, listening to The Fragile, "La Mer" imparticularly...it's one of the more memorable tracks on the album, which is odd because it does not even feature lyrics.  Nothing right now seems to fit into place...I was stung by a bee on the neck today, it became swollen but quickly went away and now I cannot even feel where the protudence was.  I have a test tomorrow in history, a class I must say I am doing rather well in, and possibly the         only one I enjoy...but I am refusing to study for it subconsciously.  Very unlike me.  As "The Great Below" plays on the speakers, I think to myself about the time I have spent here.  The days pass quickly by, nothing of real significance occurs.  I wouldn't even recall what happened on certain days if it wasn't for this page.  The more time I spend in my room, the more isolated i become, and the more i wish to remain here, by myself, forever.  Without any interactions or people to cause me pain and comfort.  Just me and my music and simple thoughts.  I've gotten use to the idea of people never calling, writing, anything...I live through ICQ and IM...no other human interaction.  Everyone is dead, mentally.  Other people do not think what i think, feel how i feel,  they are all blind to the planet.  We are on a vampire planet.  It's sucked me dry.  I have nothing left to give, to say, to anyone here.  Everyone is an empty tank that has lost it's filling for some reason, and nothing i can do can even replenish a bit of that.  The town below me glitters brightly.  How i wish i could fly between the buildings, to glide amongst the lights, in        any form.  I want to be able to dismember the drunk loudmouth hooligans outside my door this night, but i cannot.  i want to strike fear in their pitiful minds...to control them in essence.  Not to be a dictator, but to have some sort of impact on someone's life...  To have someone other than people I've already met know of me enjoy things that I enjoy, to dance like an uptight businessman with me.  But again, that won't happen because that is not me...i cannot do those things with other people because of my psychological condition...or at least my created psychological condition.  I give up.  Come find me.  I'll just stare at you like the imbecile I am.  Live a life of silence.  Monastic without the reverence of God, if there is one to revere.  I gave money to a homeless man on a bike today who looked like Coolio.  It was funny, he told me he was going to buy epoxy glue with the money...as if i cared what he did with it...i only gave him 25 cents.  I wanted to ask him why he was like that, why he didn't get a job in today's great economy, where anyone almost can get a job.  then i realized that he'd beat the shit out of a little electronic music kid like me, and that i'd be living the same way if i had the nerve to do it.  of course, i'd be living it differently, but that's just my inventiveness on the situation.  The odd thing is that nothing much has happened since i last wrote about two weeks ago.  except my faith in certain things has declined even more and i wish it had not...i really wish it had not.  currently listening to the disjecta cd, clean pit and lit.  it's very good and very sad, the soundtrack to sitting in a room, all alone, with the lights turned off while typing into a computer.  well, i'm going to study now.  i'll be updating the page more this weekend.  hope anyone who reads this is doing better than i am.