Listening to radiohead's kid a, 'how to disappear completely' in particular, and it feels like i'm walking outside in the freshly fallen snow with a giant stereo playing this song into the night air.  that's how quiet it is in my house at the moment.  much less background noise than at college; it allows me to focus on the music more, to hear more of the detail.  i think at home, music means more than at college. i'm thinking about summer and about school.  i've been asked to go back to work at motorola for the forthcoming summer as well.  in all likelyhood, i will return to the big corporate haven in the middle of nowhere.  in looking back at school and work, my life in them seems undefined, nothing really has meaning.  i just do things, think about doing other things, do more things, and keep doing things.  however, all this "doing" has no point.  i never really get anywhere except one day closer to my eventual death.  graduating university will give me a degree in computer science.  yet, that degree is less important than your first kiss, child, or losing your car in a big parking lot, as far as i'm concerned.  joining the workforce simply results in putting out another consumer good in the long-run.  personally, i think going to the bathroom is more important than that... thus, my actions are pointless.  i have the desire to be part of something bigger, something more...  i'm not talking about improving lives or being part of some radical research and development cause.  that's the problem.  i don't know what i want to be a part of.  i can't find whatever it is i'm looking for, because i don't know what it is that i'm looking for.  conclusion: i'm wandering, a lost soul.  maybe i'll find a purpose.  probably not.